Collingwood star Dayne Beams has opened up on some of the mental health issues he has suffered, revealing he deliberately crashed his car in February this year.
Beams also said that he had struggled with addiction issues but that he was clean now and one day hoped to help other people who found themselves in a similar position.
But it his revelation that he crashed his car on purpose that will shock the AFL community and shine a light on the pressure some athletes face today.
"There was a moment where ... I can't remember to be honest because I was concussed in the incident ... but I crashed my car deliberately," Beams told The Last Time I Cried podcast.
"I didn't want it to be fatal, I didn't want to die but it was a cry, it was a massive cry ... I needed help."
Beams hasn't rejoined Collingwood in 2020, having stepped away from football at the end of the 2019 to deal with his mental health issues.
The 30-year-old, who lost his father to bowel cancer in early 2018, said he regretted the decision he made while behind the wheel but had felt that he had to hit rock bottom to begin the recovery process.
"I just didn't know how to get out of the s*** that I was in," Beams said.
"I feel like you need to hit rock bottom to go back up and for me that was the lowest I got.
"I don't know why I felt like that. That was what I needed to do, but it just was at the time.
"The thought of putting my kids and my wife through that makes me feel sick."