The Bottom 10 inspirational thought of the week:
"Look, look at this. ... Huge ... getting massive. Two, this ... ready to explode. Look at this. ... You could be a meteorologist all your life and never see something like this. It would be a disaster of epic proportions. It would be ... the perfect storm."
-- TV meteorologist Todd Gross, "The Perfect Storm"
I haven't been a meteorologist all my life, or even for a single day, but I have been manning the Bottom 10 Doppler Radar since 2014 and never have I witnessed what I did on Saturday night.
In a showdown of Bottom 10 Waiting List teams, Western Kentucky took a 34-27 lead over Old Dominion when it scored a touchdown with 1:37 remaining in the game ... then they surrendered a game-tying score by the Monarchs with seven seconds remaining ... then they made it back to midfield, thanks to personal foul against the Old Dominion defense ... then they shorted a long would-be game-winning field goal attempt with no time on the clock ... but ODU had 12 men on the field ... so WKU kicked it again and shorted it again ... but ODU had an Iron Bowl-ish "Kick Six" return man in place, who ran it all the way down to 15-yard line of WKU ... but WKU committed a face mask penalty, meaning ODU was given one last untimed down with :00 on the clock ... and kicked a winning field goal.
If you were too lazy to read that last run-on paragraph, just watch this.
OK, FINE. Here's the full breakdown of how ODU beat WKU in the weirdest of circumstances pic.twitter.com/SKkzjaYJqp— Timothy Burke (@bubbaprog) October 21, 2018
Now picture me sitting on the tarmac waiting to return home from Iowa City, watching that unfold on ESPN+ and frantically trying to convince everyone around me to do the same. "Oh man," the gentleman sitting next to me replied, nodding his head as I flapped my arms and pointed at my phone. "Tell those Western Kentucky people, I feel their pain." Then he unzipped his jacket to reveal the maroon and burnt orange sweatshirt hidden beneath. "Go Hokies," he said.
With apologies to Sully Sullivan and Murph Murphy, here's the Bottom 10 for Week 8.
1. UTEPID (0-7)
There are those in West Texas who so continually lobby to have UTEP removed from this top bottom position they have occupied all season long. Honestly, they make a pretty good case, pointing out that the Minors have lost three of their past four by only one score, all coming in heartbreaking fashion. But the reality is that the nation's longest losing streak is up to 19. If they want to create an alternate reality, they travel to Western Kentucky on Nov. 17; and on Nov. 3, they take a trip east to face ...
2. Minute Rice (1-7)
... the Owls, who also end the season with a visit from ODU. Because the universe is awesome like that.
3. Texas State Armadillos (1-6)
Looking through the Bottom 10 media guide -- at least through the pages that aren't stuck together with syrup -- we believe this is the first time that three Texas teams have occupied the bottom three spots. If they finish the season like this, there will be only one way to sort out the champion: We'll go to an undisclosed truck stop somewhere near Odessa and have Billy Bob Thornton do a coin toss.
4. San No-Se State (0-7)
Meanwhile, the Spartans Not Trojans are beginning a two-week Bottom 10 gauntlet that includes a pair of two-win teams: the UNLV Runnin' Tarks and Why?-oming. By gauntlet, we mean one of those rubber yellow gloves you wear when you clean the bathroom.
5. Ohio State (7-1)
Here at Bottom 10 HQ, located behind the Auto Bell where Paul Finebaum gets his head polished, monitoring fans' reaction to their team landing in the Coveted Fifth Spot is always the most interesting and most terrifying aspect of our week. Dawg Nation stormed us like we were the last Waffle House open following the apocalypse last week after Georgia lost to LSU. We're confident Buckeye Nation will show more restraint. Because, you know, it always handles things like this so well.
6. U-Can't (1-6)
The Huskies hung tough in the lesser-hyped half of the Civil ConFLiCT, losing to South Florida 38-30. More importantly, head coach Randy Edsall received a $2,000 bonus for scoring first in the game, merely one item among a long list of extra coinage he can earn via achievements along the path of the season. It's like Sonic the Hedgehog, if Sonic never smiled and his hair turned from blue into a cold, angry gray.
7. In a Rut-gers (1-7)
With Nebraska's win over Minnesota, the Scarlet Knots are back in firm control of the bottom of the B1G. With a remaining schedule of Wisconsin, Michigan, Penn State and Michigan State, they are in a perfect position to make a run at the Bottom 10 title. So forgive any extra exuberance among their hundreds of fans when the Knots carried a 12-7 lead over Northwestern into halftime.
Just don't take down the goalposts. https://t.co/eOClXCVDmj— Steve Politi (@StevePoliti) October 20, 2018
8. Boiling Green State (1-7)
Somebody get Todd Gross on the phone, because his perfect storm has nothing on the one that's brewing on Planet #MACtion. On Halloween Eve, one-win BGSU will host one-win State of Kent, and one week later it, travels to face the one-win Central Michigan Chippy-was. Only one MAC team can be a one-win team, and in one month we will know which team that is!
9. Western Kentucky Hillstoppers (1-6)
For weeks we've kept Virginia Tech on the Bottom 10 Waiting List as The Team That Lost to Old Dominion. Meet The Other Team That Lost to Old Dominion. Except this one ain't on any waiting lists.
10. Ore-gone State (1-6)
There was much debate as to which 1-6 team should occupy this last slot, Ore-gone State or Living on Tulsa Time. So we examined each team's lone victory. Tulsa defeated the Central Arkansas Bears, who are 6-2 and fighting with Incarnate Word for first place in the Southland Conference. Oregon State beat the Southern Utah Thunderbirds, who are 1-6 and fighting to stay out of the cellar of the Big Sky. Plus, no offense to bears, but Thunderbirds is a more awesome nickname. So Oregon State it is! #science
Waiting List: UNC Achilles Heels (1-5) Kansas Nayhawks (2-5), EC-Yew (2-5), Central Michigan Chippy-was (1-7), State of Kent (1-7), Living on Tulsa Time (1-6), No-braska (1-6), The Team That Lost to No-braska (3-4), State of New Mexico State (2-6), UMess (2-6), being mad at the coach you ran out of town because he posted a celebratory pic with his new team after beating you.