The Toe Poke Daily is here every day to bring you all the weirdest stories, quirkiest viral content and top trolling that the internet has to offer, all in one place.
Jump to: Mateo Messi shows he can celebrate like his dad | Neymar has PSG jersey delivered by bike | Thomas Muller celebrates 30th (THIRTIETH!) birthday with Bayern cake | New contract announced with adorable dog video
🤣 Sounds like @Daniel_James_97 could be set for a very brief appearance on Saturday...#MUFC #MUNLEI pic.twitter.com/1GqN6q58LB
— Manchester United (@ManUtd) September 13, 2019
Daniel James has made a flying start to life as a Manchester United player by scoring three goals in four appearances for his new side.
His debut goal, after coming off the bench to put the gloss on a 4-0 win over Chelsea at Old Trafford, was followed by another home strike in the 2-1 loss to Crystal Palace and then the opening goal in the 1-1 draw at Southampton last time out.
However, United boss Ole Gunnar Solskjaer has said he might only field the 21-year-old winger for one minute in Saturday's home game against Leicester despite the Wales international -- who also scored in his country's 1-0 win over Belarus on Monday -- being in the form of his young life.
This was after it was pointed out to Solskjaer that James is poised to equal a vaunted goal-scoring record that has stood at Old Trafford since 1996 -- a record set by one Ole Gunnar Solskjaer. Having arrived from Molde, Solskjaer scored in his first three Premier League home games as a United player, netting against Blackburn, Nottingham Forest and Tottenham.
"He'll only play the first minute, then he's off," was Solskjaer's deadpan verdict on James' game time this weekend, accompanied by the sound of over-appreciative chuckling that is unique to football news conferences.
However, the Norwegian striker actually scored twice against Spurs back in the day, meaning that James would have to notch a brace against the Foxes this weekend to truly haul himself level with his manager.
No pressure, then.
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Mateo Messi shows he can celebrate like his dad
¡Simplemente Mateo Messi ⚽🔟! pic.twitter.com/KnQhC0F44I
— SportsCenter (@SC_ESPN) September 11, 2019
Lionel Messi may be a long way off retiring at the moment, but when that day finally comes it looks like at least one of his kids will be ready and waiting to take over the family business.
Messi's young son Mateo is already showing glimpses that he may have inherited his father's footballing skills, as well as his trademark goal celebration.
In a video shared on Instagram, Mateo can be seen enjoying a kickabout in the back garden with his mum in which the four-year-old fires a shot into the top corner and then celebrates in style of his papa.
We give it a matter of years before he's snapped up by La Masia.
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Neymar has PSG jersey delivered by bike
🆕✍
— Paris Saint-Germain (@PSG_English) September 13, 2019
Because passions are better shared... @Deliveroo becomes a partner of Paris Saint-Germain! 🚴♂🍣#DeliverooPSG pic.twitter.com/EDjwBBYSj7
PSG have partnered up with Deliveroo in a deal that will allow fans to order food to their seats at the Parc des Princes during matches.
The Ligue 1 side chose to announce the deal by making Neymar, Mauro Icardi and Keylor Navas the recipients of a special delivery at the Parc des Princes.
Just a shirt. Not a whopping great four-cheese pizza. Seems like a waste of pedal power, to be honest.
This all comes after Deliveroo rivals Uber Eats were confirmed as new primary sponsors of the French top flight back in June, for those who happen to be interested in that kind of thing.
Thomas Muller celebrates 30th (THIRTIETH!) birthday with Bayern cake
What a birthday cake!! 😃🎂👍 #esmuellert30 #30thbirthday #Ibin30 #birthday #thomasmueller pic.twitter.com/24lce4Slpu
— Thomas Müller (@esmuellert_) September 13, 2019
We don't mean to alarm you but Thomas Muller has turned 30 years old -- which, despite being an uneqivocal fact, is still a little difficult to accept.
To celebrate, the Bayern Munich forward was bestowed with a rather impressively proportioned birthday cake in the iconic shape of his club's home, the Allianz Arena.
Why, it seems like only yesterday that Muller broke through as German football's most tricky, mischievous and indefinable young attacker. Now, here he is, heralding the start of his 30s having been forcibly retired from international duty by Germany coach Joachim Low earlier this year.
Where does the time go?
New contract announced with adorable dog video
Bristol City chose to announce news of Callum O'Dowda signing a new contract in the most on-brand manner imaginable.
Eschewing the standard "photo of player singing papers and grinning", the Robins instead informed their fans of the Irish winger's three-year deal with a classic internet-friendly dog video.
After all, what more would you expect from the almighty, undisputed and undefeated kings of the goal gif?