The Toe Poke Daily is here every day to bring you all the weirdest stories, quirkiest viral content and top trolling that the internet has to offer, all in one place.
Manchester City hit eight goals past Watford this weekend but they have a way to go before they reach the top scores in football.
- Anderson retires at 31 ... who else ended things early?
- Football Manager 2020 is coming
- Solskjaer's sumptuous chip proves he's still got it
Falling one short of the Premier League record -- a 9-0 win for Manchester United against Ipswich Town in 1995 -- they are still well behind the likes of AS Adema, who once won a game 149-0.
The biggest scores in football
Standing for well over a century, the record for most goals scored in a full domestic senior football match was 36, which were all netted by Arbroath in their thumping victory over Bon Accord in the 1885-86 Scottish Cup.
Perhaps the most well-known instance of international scoreline runner-uppery came during an Oceania qualifying game for the 2002 World Cup as Australia dispensed a merciless 31-0 beating upon tiny American Samoa.
Archie Thompson scored 13 goals -- still a single-game record to this day -- and almost half of the number of total goals (28) he amassed for his country over the course of his 54 appearances for the Socceroos.
To say that Micronesia, a fledgling side then ranked 200th in the world, struggled to hold their own at the 2015 Pacific Games is something of an understatement.
They kicked off their group stage campaign with a hefty 30-0 defeat against Tahiti, followed by a resounding 38-0 loss to Fiji in their second outing.
Things then culminated in a 46-0 thrashing from Vanuatu (the most goals ever scored in an international match, beating the record previously set by Australia) in their third game meaning Micronesia exited the tournament having conceded 114 goals without reply.
Nigerian teams win 79-0 and 67-0
Suspicions were quite rightly heightened on the final day of the 2013 Nigerian Nationwide League season when the top two sides, Plateau United Founders and Police Machine FC, won their respective games 79-0 and 67-0.
It duly came to light that their opponents, Akurba FC and Bubayaro FC, had been thumping in own-goal after own-goal in a pre-arranged bid to boost their hosts' goal difference.
Sure enough, the Nigerian football federation subsequently ruled that the two games -- which had shared 146 goals between them -- had been fixed and duly banned all four teams from competing for the next 10 years.
Every player and official involved was also administered with lifetime bans.
AS Adema 149-0 Stade Olympique L'Emyme
AS Adema won a Madagascan league game 149-0, though it should also be noted that the absurd scoreline doesn't tell the full story.
Indeed, Adema's opponents on the day, Stade Olympique L'Emyme (SOE), scored no less than 149 own-goals during the game in protest over perceived refereeing bias.
Indeed, Adema didn't touch the ball once between the first and the 149th goal going in -- the ball hitting the back of the net at a rate of roughly one goal every 40 seconds.
The scoreline has since been ratified as a world record by David Barber, historian for the English Football Association. But SOE's coach and four of the team's players were banned.
Maverick goalkeeping in Egypt
Over in the Egyptian top flight, the aptly-named Pyramids FC went soaring to the summit of the league on opening weekend by virtue of a 4-0 win over ENPPI.
Having just gone behind in the 29th minute, ENPPI almost conceded again less than one minute later after goalkeeper Mahmoud Gad failed to get enough distance on a charging diving header.
Thankfully, Gad was able to rectify the situation with some truly maverick recovery work.
Maverick goalkeeping from Egypt pic.twitter.com/f1bFUWptMU
— James Dart (@James_Dart) September 22, 2019
Shades of Lyon 'keeper Gregory Coupet thwarting Rivaldo in the Champions League group stage all those years ago.
Though of course it should be mentioned that Coupet's amazing "double save of the century" wasn't a direct result of his own baffling ineptitude.
Bohemians give 14-year-old his debut
A new record was set in the League of Ireland this weekend when Evan Ferguson became the youngest ever player to appear in a competitive top flight game.
Aged just 14, Ferguson came off the bench for Bohemians in the 90th minute of Friday night's goalless draw against Derry City.
According to the League of Ireland Statto account, the previous record belonged to Owen Morrison, who was one day shy of his 16th birthday when he made his first senior appearance (for Derry, coincidentally) back in 1997.
#Bohs-SKB 1️⃣4️⃣-year-old Evan Ferguson on for his league debut, replacing Luke Wade-Slater. 🔴⚫️🔶
— Bohemian FC 🔴⚫ (@bfcdublin) September 20, 2019
Ferguson was born in October 2004, which just so happens to be the exact same month that Lionel Messi made his first-team debut for Barcelona. To put that in further context, the teenage forward won't be able to legally order a pint in a local Dublin bar until the year 2023.
If that doesn't make you feel sufficiently ancient, then we don't know what will.