The Toe Poke Daily is here every day to bring you all the weirdest stories, quirkiest viral content and top trolling that the internet has to offer, all in one place.
Dani Alves and his Sao Paulo teammates were subjected to one of the stranger -- and more painful -- match stoppages in recent memory at the weekend.
Indeed, during the early stages of 2-1 home win over Fortaleza, Alves was attacked by a marauding swarm of bees as he attempted to take a corner.
O Daniel Alves saiu de Paris pra levar picada de abelha no Pacaembu 😂😂😂😂 pic.twitter.com/PKSRnRjouf— Rodrigo Elias (@Eliasbdmg) October 6, 2019
After the final whistle, the former Barcelona and PSG defender shared an image on Instagram of him nursing his wounds along with a caption that read: "Not even the bees are with us, brother!"
Of course, Alves isn't the first footballer to suffer the misfortune of having his afternoon interrupted by interloping animals ... and you can also check out our previous list of the best pitch invaders football has seen.
Luis Figo and the curious case of the spaceman
Of all the places in the all the world to stumble across a Ballon d'Or winner, this weekend the people of Guildford were graced by a visit from none other than Luis Figo.
The Portuguese legend shared a photo of himself enjoying a day out in Surrey, strolling up and down the high street in front of the town's famous old Guildhall.
Guildford time!!!😎 pic.twitter.com/YEK8N1225b— Luís Figo (@LuisFigo) October 5, 2019
What's next? Lionel Messi enjoying the olde pork pie shops of Melton Mowbray? Cristiano Ronaldo perusing the antiques emporiums of Berkshire? We can only hope.
Also, it remains uncertain whether Figo was aware he was being followed around Guildford by a man in a full space suit, but it didn't seem to bother him if so.
Glentoran player tries to pull a fast one, sent off
There were odd scenes in the Northern Ireland Premiership when Glentoran striker Darren Murray fell foul of the new laws implemented for the 2019-20 season.
With the game locked at 0-0, Glens decided to make a change on the hour mark with Murray making way up front for Jonathan Frazer.
In keeping with the new law, Murray was told by the referee to leave the pitch at the closest point.
However, this instruction was ignored as the striker instead trudged all the way across the pitch back to the bench.
Rules are rules...— Match of the Day (@BBCMOTD) October 7, 2019
Are referees enforcing this enough in the Premier League?pic.twitter.com/nWrHj9priH
The ref then waited for Murray to reach the touchline before brandishing a yellow card, which just so happened to be his second of the evening.
The 27-year-old forward was duly sent off, thus reducing Glens to 10 men before they could complete their substitution.
Just to rub it in, opponents Cliftonville subsequently capitalised on their numerical advantage to score a winning goal just five minutes from time.
Football Manager addict sets 333-year record career
A man from Germany has set an astounding new Guinness World Record for the longest single Football Manager game ever.
Sepp Hedel oversaw a virtual management career that lasted 333 seasons, during which he spent 1,940 hours of real-world playing time at FC United of Manchester, Begaluru FC, and Hereford United.
New record: Longest single game of Football Manager ⚽️ Congratulations to Germany's Sepp Hedel 🎉— GuinnessWorldRecords (@GWR) October 5, 2019
"After 50 years in @FCUnitedMcr I had won everything, so I decided to try something new and signed with @bengalurufc of India."https://t.co/2GUcPeAY6Z
During his record-breaking career, Sepp opted to take zero "holiday time" (an option in Football Manager that allows managers to sim games without their input) and personally took charge of every single one of the 15,678 games his teams contested.
"The game always challenges you and I always developed new goals, so in-game vacation was not an option," he told the GWR website. "You do not win the UEFA Champions League while chilling on the beach."
Sepp also enjoyed unlikely Premier League title wins with both FC United and Hereford, either side of his similarly fruitful spell managing in India.
Overall, he won a total of 258 league titles and 729 cups -- which is an impressive record in anybody's book.