Memphis Depay's cringeworthy freestyle rap marks five million Instagram followers

Memphis Depay has treated his legion of fans to a freestyle rap as thanks for pushing him beyond the five million follower mark on Instagram.

Filmed on location in Paris, the Lyon forward has also produced an accompanying video to go with it.

Smoking a cigar and jigging about in front of the Eiffel Tower while wearing one of his custom-made velvet blouses, Depay thanked his fans for the continued support while skilfully rhyming the word "idol" with the word "idol."

"The football pitch is like a zoo, excuse me while I talk to you..." and other such gems.

Just excuse us for a moment while we find out if it's possible to do yourself any lasting damage from cringing this hard.

For a player like Depay who is routinely criticised for lacking focus, ploughing this amount of time, effort and money into a frankly dreadful rap side project is hardly going to help change that perception.