Expect to hear about the feel-good story of Kurt Warner during Super Bowl week ... over and over.

It's like, I'm sick of it already. Can't we let a plucky little team like, say, Dallas get a chance? Or the 49ers? Or Denver?

Of course, I jest. But no one's laughing over at NFL headquarters, where Tags was last seen wandering the streets of Manhattan on a Vermeillian crying jag.

Here's an early thought to ease the worried suits at the NFL: You should get big ratings on your soon-to-be-released NFL Films special: "Kurt Warner's Wife: Reactions, Cheers and Crowd Shots."

All of a sudden parity's not so cute when TV markets No. XXXII and XXXIII meet in good ol' Super Bowl XXXIV, huh?

Forgive the silly thoughts, but they're no sillier than a -- and, really, let's all sit down and give this one a long, hard thought here -- a Tennessee- St. Louis Super Bowl.

Then again, maybe it's a good thing Jacksonville didn't make it. We might have been forced to swallow another image of a pantsless man walking behind Tom Coughlin in a postgame interview. Did you all catch that? Was that Jags owner Wayne Weaver doing the pantsless strut behind Coughlin? Was that Weaver pulling a Ted Kennedy without the glass of Scotch? And is there anything funnier than a man without pants?

I think not, but I digress.

You'll have to excuse me: After all, I'm still not even sure Tennessee's kickoff return against Buffalo was a lateral! But don't ask the replay officials to sort it out. They'll botch it, like their inexplicable choke job on calling Bert Emanuel's clear catch as an incompletion shortly before Shaun King was to finish off the comeback drive and lead the Bucs to the Promised Land! (Don't mind me. Betting frustrations boil over at times.)

It's all too much to bear. I fell into a food coma shortly after the games ended Sunday, and was haunted by two horrifying dreams: in one, the Titans and Rams made the Super Bowl. In the other, I woke up and had Bud Adams' hair.

Images of Rams and Titans ran past me: a dome team threatening to win a Super Bowl, Georgia Frontiere spewing out nonsense on the victory stand, Jeff Fisher's shag 'do and mustache, Bud Adams' rug, that man without pants in Jacksonville ... aaaaaaaggggh!

Thank God the NFL dumped the two-week purgatory period. Of all years, we should just get this baby over and done with.

But wait. I feel like a Grinch, a Scrooge and an Unamerican for dogging this Super Bowl. After all, it is our national holiday, a day to worship at the shrines of pizza, beer and postgame naps. Forthwith, we change our mood and dedicate our weekly List of Five to "Five reasons why we should fire up for the Super Bowl:"

1. A heartwarming quarterback story.

Either way, the Hallmark special can come out, and you'll be on your own Vermeillian crying jag after the emotional triumph: former stockboy and heart-of-gold scrapper Kurt Warner brings home the chalice in a victory for the downtrodden everywhere, or Steve McNair takes another giant step forward for black quarterbacks out of predominantly black schools, joining Doug Williams of Grambling and putting Alcorn State in the history books with him. Everybody wins.

2. See how the stripes can botch another instant-replay call.

Sorry, man, but Emanuel made that freaking catch. And who knows what the plucky little rookie QB would have done for Tampa Bay from the 23-yard line with 46 seconds left? Then again, maybe I just have some issues best left resolved by my counselor. Man, are those guys expensive.

3. The fascinating sight of rich, eccentric American sports owners.

Can any country do crazy like the good ole U.S. of A.? I think not. From Howard Hughes on down, we have a rich legacy of wealthy freaks. Al Davis. Donald Trump. Ross Perot. Now, we thrust two marquee nutbags into the mix: Bud Adams of the Titans (and I quote from the cinema classic, "Slap Shot": "Where did you get that rug?") and Georgia Frontiere of the Rams. One is the king of all used-car salesmen. The other a former showgirl who dabbles in abominable verse. One is your future Super Bowl champion owner. Whoo! Proud to be an American, baby.

4. It'll be a close game.

I don't know why I think this, but I do. Usually the two-week waiting period causes inferior teams to be thoroughly outcoached, outscouted and, when the pressure of game day gets too great, outscored in a monster kind of way. With only a one-week waiting period, and with Tennessee having beaten the Rams already, and with both teams featuring legit offenses, I'm calling a decent, close, watchable game. But I'm not calling a winner, and if you make me, I'll sic my bookie's thumb-breaker on you.

5. Those Budweiser ads.

And I quote: Wassssssssssssssssssup? Wasssssssssssssup? Aaaaaaaaaaaaa. Sorry. But I am digging those spots. Killing me! Now you'll have to excuse me. I have to go into another room and say to my unsuspecting wife: "Wasssssssssssssssup?"