Tuesday, September 14 We don't know diddly poo By Brian Murphy Special to ESPN.com

God, I love Jim Mora.

	Jim Mora knew what he was doing Sunday, when the Colts beat the Bills 31-14.

If the world didn't have Jim Mora, the world would be stripped of some of life's deeper meanings.

Like, for example, how we -- the dazed and confused members of NFL Nation -- can explain Week 1.

Remember Mora ripping a bunch of sportswriters years ago in New Orleans? Remember his barely contained rage; his dripping venom at the thought that his football team had just put life and limb on the AstroTurf, and he had to explain it to a bunch of guys in ill-fitting Dockers with mustard stains on their collars?

Mora said to the scribes in a now-legendary tirade: "You think you know. But you just ... don't ... know!"

How beautiful is that? Because, yes, we do think we know! And no, we just ... don't ... know!

But does that stop us from waking up on Sunday, putting on our Ty Law gamers, ordering up deep-dishes with extra cheese and pounding can after can of Hamm's until drifting off into a half-sleep, half-pass-out in front of the final images of a Pittsburgh-Cleveland tilt in a now-darkened living room?

And when we wake up from that half-sleep, half-pass-out around 2:15 a.m., and that infomercial is flickering on the screen, and we realize the pizza box is half under our butt, we are faced with this one, all-encompassing truth: We think we know ... but we just ... don't ... know!

OK, truth-or-dare time. Question: How many of you are in the World's Simplest Pool? How many of you know that it's easy money -- throw 10 bucks in a pot with about 200 of your closest friends, pick one winner a week, regardless of point spread, and cash in that $2,000 (after you immediately report it to the IRS, of course) in late January, just enough cash to get you to the Pro Bowl for a couple of days' frolicking in the Islands?

Easy. No-brainer. Hey, they don't call it the World's Most Difficult Pool. It's the World's Simplest Pool, for the love of Vinny Testaverde's Achilles! Because all of you don't want to admit how badly you were spanked in Week 1. I'll be the big man here, I'll be the guy who lets his guard down and admits what he knows about the NFL: I know jack.

I dropped an Andrew Jackson into the hat, got two picks, and blithely submitted Seattle and the Jets as my bonus babies of the week. Hell, I was so confident I was already studying Week 2 matchups.

And what do I have this morning? I have jack.

And why? Because I just don't freaking know.

So, in honor of Jim Mora, the season's first List of Five is simple, it is reassuring and it is meant to restore our faith in mankind:

What we do know after Week 1:

1. We know that there is no bigger stud than Brett Favre. Show me a guy in the NFL over the past half-decade who has more, um, manhood than Favre. Sorry. I'm not taking any applications. Let's say it: he's the best player in football, and save your Terrell Davis-jersey-wearing complaints.

Courage, skill, emotion, thrills -- nobody does it better than Brett. Hey, when a guy performs like he did against the Raiders, with a basically broken thumb on his throwing hand, than lays out so bare afterward that he breaks down ... well, hell, I had a little tear rolling down my cheek myself. At least I did until it trickled off my cheek and onto my extra-cheese deep-dish, and I got a hold of myself and resumed eating and flicked over to the late games.

2. We know that it was a very, very, very, very bad day to be Dwight Clark. Hey, listen: I love the guy. I grew up in the San Francisco Bay Area. Any replay of "The Catch" makes me need to leave the room if I'm in mixed company, just to take the proverbial "moment." But let's study Dwight's day on Sunday. He is the GM of the Cleveland Browns, and the Cleveland Browns lost 43-0 and looked like a high school team doing it. Oh, a bad high school team, too.

He is also the man who, basically, built the 49ers that you see today, Bill Walsh's return notwithstanding. Most of those 49ers are from the Clark regime, and the 49ers lost to Jacksonville 41-3. Dwight's creations lost, um, 84-3 on Sunday. It was not a good day to be Dwight.

3. We know that Scott Mitchell is the biggest stiff of all time. Wait. I don't think I was clear enough on that one: We know that Scott Mitchell is the biggest stiff of all-time. Name me a bigger stiff. Sorry. Not taking applications.

Isn't it amazing to think that that cat plays in the same sports town as Cal Ripken Jr.? Is there something so hugely wrong with that situation that it defies karmic description? In a word, yes. So take your 17-for-40, 188-yard, two-interception throwing left arm, Scottie, and, and ... aw, hell, I don't even know what to say. All I know is I'm picking against Baltimore in the World's Simplest Pool the rest of the year. Oh, wait. I don't have any picks left. Lost 'em both in Week 1. Whoops.

4. We know that Pete Carroll is the happiest man on God's, green, AstroTurf-covered Earth. Do you realize how skewered my man Petie Carroll is in New England? Do you realize how brutal those depressed and repressed New Englanders are on a guy who is just basically a solid cat? Do you realize how jealous most New Englanders are of Carroll's peace of mind, of his sunny California disposition, of his mental stability?

You know, I'm not even sure New Englanders deserve that landmark win over the Jets. Carroll's boys came to play at the Meadowlands and were laying wood all day. So New England rejoices, beats the Tuna, gets one over on New York for once in its life. It all buys Carroll about a week's worth of peace. Then, they'll get back to ripping him. Come back to California, Pete. Sushi's on me, babe.

5. We know that poor Trent Dilfer probably will never be the NFL QB we all thought he'd be. Amazing, isn't it? Seems like the Bucs have been sticking with this guy since Lee Roy Selmon was sacking Vince Ferragamo in the '79 NFC title game. And it seems like poor Trent keeps getting worse. Did you see some of that work he put out Sunday in the loss to the Giants? It ain't happening for T.D., and it probably never will.

Kinda like my World's Simplest Pool picks.

Brian Murphy of the San Francisco Examiner writes a weekly "Tuesday Morning Quarterback" column for ESPN.com.