Once India's biggest name in Indian men's singles, Parupalli Kashyap now dawdles tentatively just inside the top 100s. Injury and surgery have gnawed at his tournament appearances and medal aspirations over the past year and a half.
His hopes though remain undiminished. A predicament he feels he shares with close friend Saina Nehwal, also scarred by injury, surgery and a missed Olympic chance. "We are going through a similar phase and try to keep each other motivated," Kashyap, 30, tells ESPN, "We try to learn, help and improve from one another. Between us we exchange inputs on everything -training, how much to push our bodies, recovery sessions and even planning tournaments."
Kashyap's last title came 27 months ago - at the Syed Modi International in 2015, while Saina has a more recent win, the Malaysia Masters at the start of this year, to draw hope from. Her previous two tournament appearances though rapidly dissipated into first-round defeats.
Post-surgery the mind takes a while before it can begin to trust the limbs again. "Your natural strokes and flair is left dented so you tend to get a little scared," he says, "You're afraid to put your body on the line again. So you have to keep pushing yourself hard in training, get bold and overcome that fear first."
A former world No 6, Kashyap knows he can't afford to read much into his pre-quarterfinal exit at the China Open last month, his first tournament appearance after a three-month injury layoff. "Because of the long injury-induced gaps, my basic fitness has taken a big hit," he says. "So the main focus is to regain that range. I can't judge myself on the finer aspects of the game right now."
Between sustaining his first major injury, a calf muscle tear in October 2015 and making his most recent comeback at the China Open in April this year, the Indian men's singles landscape has changed remarkably. "Till early last year, it was just me and Srikanth (Kidambi) in the top 10 rankings, now there are at least six players within the first 40. Most of them are a lot younger to me so that makes a lot of difference. It also means I have to take care of myself during sessions and plan accordingly."
Almost all of them train together at the Pullela Gopichand academy, equally matched in age, talent and skill, playing against each other for the same titles in tournaments globally.
While sparring is an advantage, individual attention is an obvious casualty. "We work together as a group. Earlier we used to train with Gopi few times a year ahead of major tournaments, now the program has changed. All the top guys have been training with the Indonesian coach at the academy (Olympic gold medalist Taufik Hidayat's former coach, Mulyo Handoyo) since the last three months and we already have two Superseries finalists and one title."
A major chunk of Kashyap's career is spattered with missed opportunities. It took him close to a year to make peace with losing out on World Championship medal by a point in 2013. "I could only forget it after a Commonwealth Games gold in Glasgow, 2014," he says. Similarly for Saina, a big result, he feels, can offer her closure on missing out on the Games. "I was with Saina in Bengaluru when her injury begun prior to the Olympics. In my case at least I had a couple of months to come to terms with not playing in Rio, but hers was just two weeks prior to the Games. It was quite devastating. No matter what you tell an athlete during that phase, it's difficult to get over something that huge. A medal at the World Championship this year will help her a lot." The 2012 Olympic bronze medalist lost to Carolina Marin in the World Championship final two years ago.
For Kashyap, making it to the business end of at least half a dozen Superseries events but returning without a title still rankles. "It hurts. A Superseries title is something I really want to win. Also a realistic goal I've set myself is getting into the top 30 by the end of this year. There's a lot I learnt from not being able to convert those matches into wins. I'm waiting for my chance again."
While the Thailand Open later this month features in his calendar, a few hamstring issues have now cropped up. "Only if I'm fully fit will I enter tournaments."
"Till then I have to keep pushing myself. There's no other way."