Wait. What just happened?

Did three position players really pitch on the same day?

Did a pitcher really show up in the DH spot -- and then bat against a position player?

Did we really see a cycle, an eight-homer game and (OK, we’ll say it) an FBI investigation on one nutty day of the baseball season?

Ohhh yeah we did. So fasten your seat belts as we recap the 10 Nuttiest Feats from the Craziest Day of the Season, with massive help from the amazing folks at the Elias Sports Bureau and baseball-reference.com’s fabulous Play Index:

1. The mystery pitcher trifecta -- It isn’t every day that three position players head for the mound on the same day, especially considering that none of their teams played like 22 innings (or even 10). But it happened Tuesday, when Jeff Francoeur (Phillies), Jake Elmore (Rays) and Nick Franklin (Rays) all pitched. So …

When was the last time three mystery guests pitched on one day? How about Aug. 29, 1979 -- when Sal Bando, Jim Gantner and Buck Martinez all worked their pitching magic for the same team (the Brewers), in an 18-8 wipeout against the Royals.

But to find the last time it happened without all three pitching in the same game (and eliminating a few select “position players” who actually pitched a zillion times -- like Babe Ruth, for instance), you have to go all the way back to …

Sept. 2, 1918, when four position players appeared on one day: Wickey McAvoy (A’s), Gene Paulette (St. Louis Cardinals), Bobby Veach (Tigers) and … (wait for it) … Ty Cobb (Tigers), who was making the third and final pitching appearance in a career where he was known for, well, other stuff.

My favorite note of the year. By far.

2. The pitcher "DH's" -- That game at Tropicana Field got so wacky Tuesday that, in the ninth inning, the Nationals sent a pitcher (Joe Ross) out to pinch-hit for their DH (Yunel Escobar). And you know what that means.

It means a National League pitcher had just made history -- by turning into an actual DH. Who then batted against a position player (Franklin). In a game in an AL park. Got all that? So …

That made Ross just the fifth pitcher to get a real, live plate appearance as a DH since the invention of DH-ing in 1973. The others: Mark Langston (Angels) on June 10, 1992; Rick Honeycutt (A’s) on July 6, 1990; Rick Rhoden (who actually started at DH for the Yankees) on June 11, 1988, and Jamie Easterly (Brewers) on May 23, 1983.

But there’s not a single National League pitcher in that group. And none of them hit against a position player posing as a pitcher. So let’s hear it for Joe Ross. He’s been in the big leagues for a week and a half -- and he’s already done something nobody else has ever done. Woohoo.

3. The catcher trots twice -- Then there was Nationals catcher Wilson Ramos. In the eighth inning, he hit a home run -- off Jake Elmore. In the ninth inning, he hit another home run -- off Nick Franklin. So if you’re following this, you get the picture.

Wilson Ramos hit two home runs off position players in the same game. Really?

According to Elias, Ramos is the first player to even go deep twice against position players in the same season since 1983, when Mickey Klutts of the Blue Jays hit two in one game (June 26) off Manny Castillo of the Mariners.

But two homers off two different mystery pitchers? Now we’re into rarified territory. In the expansion era (1961 to present), no team had ever hit home runs off two different position players in the same game, let alone two by the same guy, according to Elias.

And here’s the grand finale: Among all players who debuted in the expansion era, you know how many had ever homered against two different position players at any point in their careers? That would be zero, Elias reports. And then Wilson Ramos did it on the same night. In back-to-back innings. Hey, of course he did.

4. Viva la Frenchy -- I touched earlier on Jeff Francoeur’s spectacular big league pitching debut. But it deserves an entry all to itself, because it was an all-timer. Ready? Here we go:

• It’s one thing for a position player to pitch in one of these games. It’s a whole ‘nother thing to see him pitch in the seventh inning. No position player before Francoeur had arrived on the mound to start the seventh inning and then finished the game in over 20 years. Last to do it: Andy Tomberlin for the Red Sox, on May 20, 1994.

• But to pitch those final two innings, Francoeur had to fire up an incredible 48 pitches (22 more than the Phillies’ starting pitcher, Jerome Williams, by the way). And in the 27 seasons for which we have pitch-count data, only two other position players have ever thrown more than that: 65, by Jose Oquendo, in his legendary four-inning appearance for the Cardinals in a 19-inning game on May 14, 1988; 49, by the only other mystery man to do it in a nine-inning game, David Howard, for the Royals, in a 22-11 mash-up against Boston on April 12, 1994.

• And give Francoeur credit for this: He filled up that box-score line. Strikeout. Home run. Hit batter. Three walks. (“I kind of got everything a pitcher experiences over a year,” he said afterward, “in two innings.”) Well, if it makes it any more enjoyable for him, he should know that over the last 70 years, only two other true position players have crammed at least one strikeout, walk, hit batter and gopherball into one action-packed outing: the aforementioned Manny Castillo on June 26, 1983, and Red Kress, on July 17, 1946. Good group!

5. Man oh Manny -- But hey, at least Francoeur didn’t have to face Manny Machado. The Orioles’ leadoff man did something in this game that had never happened in this millennium: He led off the first inning with a home run -- and then also led off the second inning with a home run.

According to Elias, Machado is only the third player in the last 50 years to do that. The others: Chad Curtis for the Tigers on May 28, 1995, and Stan Javier for the Giants, on April 11, 1999. One name you won’t find on that list: Rickey Henderson. He led off the first inning with a homer 81 times -- but never did get to unfurl his trot again to kick off the second inning.

6. Gopherball fever -- And before we move on from that Phillies-Orioles game, how about this:

• The Phillies became just the third team ever to allow eight home runs in one interleague game (regular season or World Series). The others: The 2006 Cubs (against Detroit) and the 2005 Astros (against the Rangers). Ohbytheway, Phillies hitters have hit eight home runs in their last 489 trips to the plate combined.

• Five of those home runs came off a pitcher who didn’t even start the game. That would be Dustin McGowan. Elias reports he’s only the fifth reliever since 1900 to allow at least five homers in one outing. The others: George Caster (1940), Craig Skok (1978), Frank Pastore (1979), and Andrew Lorraine (2002). It should ease McGowan’s pain to know that Caster actually gave up six of them -- five to Hall of Famers (two to Ted Williams, two to Joe Cronin, and one to Jimmie Foxx).

7. Double trouble -- And one more nugget on that Rays-Nationals game: The Rays did something you almost never see. They had two position players pitch in a nine-inning game.

• Last team to do that: The Expos dragged both Dave Martinez and Junior Noboa into a 12-6 loss to the Astros on July 20, 1990.

• But the only other American League team to do it in the last 75 seasons was the 1978 Orioles, who milked three innings out of Elrod Hendricks and Larry Harlow in a 24-10 bludgeoning by the Blue Jays -- and then had to bring in closer Don Stanhouse to get the final three outs.

8. It goes in cycles -- Meanwhile, in other news, the Red Sox hadn’t had a single player hit for the cycle in 19 years -- but in between managed to allow a cycle to noted triple threat Bengie Molina -- until Tuesday, when Brock Holt finally busted up that drought against the Braves.

Even cooler than that, though, is this note from Elias: The Braves hadn’t had a player hit for the cycle against them in 4,776 consecutive games -- since Keith Hernandez did it on July 4, 1985. In a 19-inning game. That was the longest cycle-less streak in baseball, an honor that now goes to the Blue Jays, whose last cycle (to George Brett) came 3,955 games ago, on July 25, 1990.

9. The night was young -- The Chris Young who actually hits for a living has driven in three runs since May 3. The Chris Young who pitches for a living -- for an AL team (the Royals) incidentally -- just drove in three runs in one game Tuesday, in Milwaukee. So that was cool.

According to the Play Index, he’s just the third AL pitcher in the interleague-play era to knock in that many runs in a game. The others: Felix Hernandez (4) in 2008 and Mike Mussina in 1999. But here’s what Young did that no AL pitcher has done in that era: He drove in three runs in a game in which he allowed no runs. Pretty fun night.

10. Box-score line du jour -- Uh, I’m pretty sure Chris Young’s night was more fun than Nathan Eovaldi’s, anyway. In Eovaldi’s grand return to Miami for the first time since he was traded by the Fish last winter, he spun off this line for the Yankees: 2/3 IP, 9 H, 8 R, 8 ER, 0 BB, 0 K.

So how often have you seen that one -- at least nine hits and eight runs allowed by a pitcher who didn’t even make it through the first inning?

Thanks for asking. He’s just the fourth starting pitcher to do that in the last 101 years -- but the other three are all active (Carlos Frias last year, Rick Porcello in 2013 and Madison Bumgarner in 2011). Who knew!

So there you go. A night of baseball that feels like it must have been scripted by Key and Peele. And we never even got into that FBI thing. Some other time!