3pm: In England, it's 4am and all's not well. There will be much to discuss after this latest horror show, calls for changes at the SCG as the #pomnishambles moves to its final stop on the tour. For now, I give you Dan Brettig's report, which includes the word "hapless" in the headline, and a link to the Ashes banter zone, which should be red hot right now, such has been England's prodigious comedy output. Gnasher and I are done for this Test - in fact, my series is over, the young blood of Alex Winter coming in for Sydney - so we bid you adieu. Thanks for the comments, as ever, they give us a second wind in the field. This has been (and still will be for 10 days) Ashes2Ashes and you've been wonderful. Ta ra

2.45pm: Right, time for the presentations... First up, England captain, Alastair Cook: "It's difficult to take, we got ourselves in the position to win it, probably shows the state of the side, when you're winning games you know how to close it out, when you're losing you don't. In the first half hour [this morning] we created three chances but we didn't take them and when you don't, in a small chase, it runs away from you. We're working as hard as we normally do. When you're a winning side and a settled side it's easy but we can't use that as an excuse. [Panesar?] We wanted to get the ball to reverse, so we bowled with the seamers, trying to rough up the ball. If it comes off it comes off, other people might have done it differently. We got ourselves in a position to win this game so we've got to dust ourselves off for Sydney. We thank our supporters, it's a privilege to wear this shirt, but we're not quite doing it justice at the minute."

It's a toss up between Rogers and Mitchell Johnson for Man of the Match but Mitch wins it for blowing England's tail away with five wickets in the first innings, not to mention a run-out and three wickets in the second: "I thought Chris did really well, so maybe he should be man of the match. Yeah, we got the ball to shape, there was reverse as well out there, so it was really enjoyable. The run-out just bounced nicely and I managed to hit. There's a lot of people who've helped me, my team-mates have been behind me, so thanks to them. I think that's the first time I've bowled on Boxing Day, in front of 91,000, so quite an experience."

Finally, victorious Australia captain, Michael Clarke, who is asked by Mark Nicholas if he envisioned this before the series: "Probably not, I certainly had faith in the guys to win the series but to be 4-0 up, it's amazing. I think it shows the confidence of the guys, to have the freedom to come out and play as we have, we weren't taking as many runs or wickets as we wanted but guys have turned it around. I think the risk of bowling first is always the same, if you win you get away with it, if you lose you cop a lot of criticism. I think if there's anything in the wicket for our bowlers I was confident that could do the job and they did. We always try to work out how we can improve session to session. [Haddin?] The old boy is doing it every single time he goes out to bat and with the gloves. He's been great for NSW and when he was out of the side, all he wanted was to get back in the Australian team. We're going to try, our goal is to win 5-0, if the crowd come and support us as they have, it gives us a second wind in the field, so there's no reason why not."

2.35pm: Shane Watson and Ryan Harris have also been collared by members of the Channel Nine team. I'm assuming the official presentations will be made soon... Now Brad Haddin is having a chat to Ian Healy, as Melburnians loll in the sunshine behind him.

Anyway, this has been a real sucker punch for England to deal with, their fans in particular after the (premature) euphoria of day two. Michael Clarke took a gamble by inserting England and then his team dragged the match around, with England 0-65 in their second innings, 116 ahead with all ten wickets standing. There was a flavour of Adelaide 2006 about the way they froze, seemingly unable to compute being in a dominant position; from the moment they lost 5 for 6 at the end of the innings yesterday evening, this result seemed likely. Two missed chances in the first six overs this morning then sealed the deal.

2.30pm: Australia are romping towards 5-0, a scoreline that some were predicting in reverse a few months ago... Oh, look Chris Rogers is being interviewed on the MCG outfield already: "Yeah, doesn't get better than this, to win a Boxing Day Test and get a hundred on the last day, stuff dreams are made of. We were behind the game, quite worried. We knew if we hung in there, knocked the tail over, we could come out and then the batsman did fantastically. The bowlers have been great all series, so all credit to them. It's amazing, to get a hundred at the MCG, it's my home now, the crowd were amazing, so I thank them very much. It doesn't get any better. We're hoping we can do it [the whitewash], we're playing so well, the goal is to create history."

Cook brings the field up, it'll only take one well-placed blow