"So how do we get in?"
An avid reader of this website, out on a stroll with his parents on a sleepy Saturday afternoon, appears to recognise the ESPNcricinfo journalist peering through the chain-link fence at the game of cricket going on at the ground.
He's informed that he can't get in; this two-day tour game put on for Pakistan at the Junction Oval against a Victorian XI cobbled together out of players not part of the Big Bash League was a fairly last-minute arrangement.
The family seems thoroughly unimpressed by this answer, which feels thinner every time you say it out loud. It is an explanation I'll have to repeat several times during the day, with pockets of spectators showing up throughout the afternoon and wondering why they're being shut out.
The official explanation is the venue hasn't had enough notice to get sufficient staff in to open up to fans or even media. Cost is also understood to be a factor, and as such, the game - the only real match practice the visiting side will have between the first two Tests - is essentially unconsumable: no entry, no live stream, no highlights. If you want to watch Shaheen Shah Afridi bowl, you show up to St Kilda and peer through the fence.
****
It isn't so much that the Junction Oval creeps up on you, but for a ground that has an international side partaking in an ongoing match, it is fairly easy to miss. It's a Saturday two days out from Christmas, and the holiday season has fully kicked in now. It's an idyllic day in Melbourne, warm and sunny with an invigorating sea breeze to freshen up the late morning air. Most people who board one of the trams heading that way are off to St Kilda beach, the pier and the surrounding market street a much bigger tourist draw than a nondescript cricket game. Get off at the right stop, and the signs all tell you how to get to the beach, none pointing you towards the Junction Oval.
It feels like a well-to-do, trendy neighbourhood; the hustle of the city centre is all but non-existent. Leafy green spaces abound, with parks and football fields dotted around walking paths and cycling trails. A group of teenage boys kick an AFL ball around; this very much feels more like AFL-country than cricket county. A young girl, wearing a Matildas replica jersey, kicks a football around with her dad. A pair of retrievers struggle to break free from their leashes, and all hell briefly breaks loose when one of them does, galloping happily around the field.
And then you stumble upon it, almost by accident. It could easily be just another quaint ground putting on a casual Saturday game. But then you see a tall left-arm fast bowler building up steam, the unmistakable action, the high release point. It's Shaheen Shah Afridi.
The ground hosted eight games during the 2020 Women's World Cup, but for the most part, Sheffield Shield cricket is the highest level of the sport it generally plays host to. Idyllic as the surroundings are, the audience it commands for those games would do well to get up into three figures. This is a higher level of cricket, and yet, if you know where to go, you've nearly got it all to yourself.
Much of the ground is made even less accessible with white sheeting locking out anyone wishing to peer in, as if the inhabitants within the fence are taking part in something actively clandestine. Mercifully, a little segment around mid-off has been spared by the tarpaulin. A pair of tall trees provide refuge from the burning sun. It's a good place to spend an afternoon.
The Junction has a reputation for being flat, and a strong Victorian batting line-up spends much of the afternoon flaying their more decorated opponents all around the ground. Marcus Harris, one of the leading contenders to replace David Warner at the top of the order after he retires next month, is in sparkling form, smashing 126 in 131 balls. Twenty-two-year-old Dylan Brasher dispatches Shaheen for three successive boundaries in an unbeaten 79.
They're assisted by some fairly ordinary Pakistan bowling, particularly by two men pushing to start at the MCG. Mir Hamza never quite finds his line, going for 69 in 13 overs. Sajid Khan, meanwhile, doesn't ever find his length, and is punished off both back and front foot. With Noman Ali ruled out of the tour with appendicitis and Abrar unlikely to feature either, Sajid is the last specialist spin option left, so this isn't ideal.
The Victorians notch up 272 for 4 in just 59 overs before declaring to give Pakistan a final crack. The groundsman spots the tiny crowd that's built up this side of the fence. "20 overs to go I reckon," he shouts.
The Victorians don't have quite as many stellar names in the bowling ranks, but each quick wants to leave their mark. Pakistan captain Shan Masood is the first to be dispatched in a manner you don't need to come to the Junction Oval to witness, edging a wide delivery through to the keeper. There's a spring in the Victorians' step, eager to give their international opponents a bloody nose before the game's called off.
Off the last few moments of the day, they get their wish. Tyler Pearson gets Abdullah Shafique to drag one on after a pretty little cameo, but the play of the day happens off the match's last delivery. By now, it's no secret Sarfaraz Ahmed and short deliveries on bouncy wickets are a bad combination, so 23-year-old Sam Elliott, whose father once played 21 Test matches for Australia, bangs one in. It gets big on Sarfaraz, and he can't get on top of the pull shot he's just played. It flies up to midwicket, where Pearson dashes in and takes a superb diving catch at midwicket. If that turns out to be the final competitive shot he plays in Australia, it will feel strangely apt.
Yelps of glee break out amidst the young fielding side; Pakistan took 59 overs to take four wickets, and have given away three in barely over 11. They've seen enough. The handshakes come out, and the ground empties once more.
It's evening now, and the town is a hive of activity. The temperature's begun to dip slightly and with the sun easing off, traffic at the beach has only increased. The trams stop every few minutes, regurgitating people out onto the street, people carrying beach towels, kids running off to the closest ice-cream shops, surfers with their boards primed. It's unlikely any of them had a clue an international sporting event took place until just minutes ago here.
And, as the no-entry signs and the white tarpaulin pulled across a chain-link fence suggest, perhaps it was intended to be that way.