"He'll hit your head… hit your head… Kay-Gee… Kay-Gee, Kay-Gee-Gee-Gee…"
Except he won't.
That's Gerald Coetzee's job but his name doesn't quite work to the "Zombie" tune.
But Kagiso Rabada will hit you elsewhere. Your forearm, if you're Shardul Thakur. Your glove, if you're Jasprit Bumrah. Your ego, if you're almost anyone else.
Nevermind that he hasn't had a taste of competitive action in five-and-half-weeks, has been nursing a bruised heel in the lead-up to this game and had bowling partners with all of 13 Tests between them, Rabada had the SuperSport Park crowd composing lyrics with his name in it. He took his 14th five-for, and first against India, and put South Africa into a position of relevant satisfaction after they chose to bowl first with helpful overhead and ground conditions. He even looked like he wanted to hit someone on the head when he started with a clear short-ball plan upfront. It worked when Rabada had Rohit Sharma caught on the hook at long leg, and, as another great South African quick used to say, cut the head off the snake early on.
At the other end, Marco Jansen followed his example and sent down three overs of mostly short balls, none of which looked entirely menacing. Since being mauled by India at Eden Gardens in the World Cup, Jansen has not quite looked the same - and Rabada believes it's part of the growing pains of getting into international cricket which he just had "ride out and find a way", and he was replaced by Nandre Burger.
The angle from the left-armer caused immediate problems for Yashavi Jaiswal and Burger beat his outside edge twice in the first six balls and stuck to that line in his next over to take the edge. Then came the line on the pads, which India were wise to, which was intended to tempt the batters into following the ball. "We could see they are using it as a tactic," Vikram Rathour, India's batting coach said. "And because the bounce is more and there's tennis ball bounce, it's difficult to control as a batter."
Shubman Gill fell into the trap and gloved Burger behind but that was not the dismissal that South Africa felt justified in their approach in the morning. It was two overs later, when Virat Kohli flicked a Burger legstump half-volley to square leg and was put down by Tony de Zorzi. "Seeing as though we have two left-armers in our attack, we were trying to swing the ball in and with the bounce we could extract, that was a tactic. Temba had a gut feel about the best way to get a wicket, so it did make sense and it almost worked for Virat," Rabada said.
But when it did not, South Africa took a little long to adjust to their Plan B. From 38 for 3 when Kohli was dropped in the 14th over, India got to 91 in 26 overs at lunch - and scored 53 runs in 12.1 overs and just over four runs to the over. That's not necessarily a catastrophic momentum shift but it was also at that time that South Africa lost Temba Bavuma to a second hamstring injury in as many games and had had to regroup. They returned after lunch having "readjusted" their plans, as Rabada put it and "looked to bowl in the channel".
Again, it was Rabada who led the new approach. He brought the stumps into play with a full delivery that beat Shreyas Iyer's inside edge and bowled him. Iyer was dropped on 4 and dismissed for 31, so South Africa would have been pretty pleased with the way they limited the damage. Similarly, Kohli was put down on 4 and it took an even better delivery from Rabada to remove him. It pitched full, and jagged away to take the outside edge. "(Usually) he just seems to cover those," Rabada said. "Or play and miss. He is such a fantastic player that when you play against him you really have to be on. I'm just glad I got the fainty (faint edge)."
The Kay-Gee chants that had been building at Castle Corner reached their crescendo then. Despite no hitting on the head taking place. In fact, the song probably made the most sense when Rabada generated bounce from a good length that reared up to hit R Ashwin's glove on the handle and popped up to third slip. That was wicket No.4 and there was more to come.
Coetzee was the one who smacked Thakur on the helmet with a fast, short ball that he was late on and Rabada only managed a blow lower down, on the arm. But it was he who dismissed Thakur, in classic fashion, when he nicked off going for the drive and that sent a full house into a frenzy. "We love it. Summer vibes in South Africa," Rabada said. "I had to pinch myself at a stage because it was a packed house. Last time we played a Test here was against the West Indies and it wasn't even half-full and before that, we played India (during the Covid-19 pandemic) and there was no one in the stands. It was just fantastic."
Arguably, those who turned up should have made more to cheer about. Apart from the two dropped catches, South Africa were not always consistent or threatening enough but before we criticise them too harshly, there's a reason for that. Before today, Jansen had only played 11 Tests and Coetzee, two. Burger was on debut. They are young players, who are still learning at this level and will need (and also won't have a great deal of) more game time to develop their disciplines. They are also not holding bowlers by nature - and we may yet question South Africa's decision to leave Keshav Maharaj out of their XI - which we need to remember. For now, the trio is in their international infancy and they have Rabada's full support. "They are magnificent bowlers," Rabada said. "And they are wicket-takers; they've proven it. They have an x-factor about them."
All that also only makes Rabada's performance all the more impressive. Since his debut against India in 2015 - when he was named in the XI in the absence of an injured Morne Morkel - Rabada has had to step into a role of responsibility but only once did he carry as much as he did today. In the 2019 Test against India in Ranchi, the rest of South Africa's attack had 12 caps and 45 wickets between them; today the rest had 13 caps and 53 wickets. Then, in very different conditions, Rabada took 3 for 85 and India declared on 497 for 9. This time he has 5 for 44 and India are 208 for 8, a score Rabada says South Africa would have taken.
There is more rain around, though the forecast has been incorrect so far, but historically the second and third days are best for SuperSport Park. If the weather continues to puzzle and the pitch plays to reputation, South Africa would be right to consider themselves in front.
But it's too early for those ideas and that won't be in their heads.