The Pakistan players stood under the safety of a beach umbrella as they watched the hail pound the practice nets yards away from them. It was a freak weather event on the first day of training for a Pakistan side that had arrived in Canberra the previous morning. For a side that had been given a snowball's chance in hell of winning a Test series in Australia, hailstones the size of golf balls in the middle of the Australian summer could perhaps be seen as an omen.
They were greeted at Pakistan House by the High Commissioner the previous day, and would get an invite to the Australian Prime Minister's residence the following evening. A familiar sense of calm had descended over Australia's capital by now, warm summer sunshine melting away any signs of the storm that had put paid to Pakistan's opening training session. Canberra is, in some ways, very much like Islamabad, a planned city with the functions of government at the heart of its founding.
But when Pakistan took on the PM's XI in a four-day match at the Manuka Oval a few days later, Pakistan realised this city also felt familiar in a manner they didn't quite appreciate. The surface was flat as a pancake, the ball kept low and the relaid outfield was slow. Twenty-one months earlier, in Islamabad's twin city Rawalpindi, Pakistan had prepared a strip so flat only 14 wickets fell across five full days, with the mild-mannered Pat Cummins saying then Pakistan had clearly tried to "nullify our pace attack".
Now, with the shoe on the other foot, Pakistan were not happy. Also, apparently, the visitors hadn't quite appreciated that this wasn't just any tour game but a full first-class game, meaning they wouldn't be able to warm up more than 11 players, soon reduced to ten when Abrar Ahmed complained of a leg injury. Despite sticking around with the team all tour, he would not bowl another competitive ball for its duration. Later that evening, an electrical storm surged through the city, blowing the covers off the surface and forcing the game to be called off a day early.
****
At the WACA, Shan Masood and Sarfaraz Ahmed are engaged in discussion ahead of Pakistan's first training session in Perth. A number of Pakistan players and staff dot the playing surface, the picturesque and sadly now-disused cricket ground for the moment a hive of catching drills, bowling practice and fielding exercises.
Looking in at all this action from the stands feels a bit like hitting play on a new season when you didn't quite finish the last one. There's a giant of a man with a luxuriant tan and Arnold Schwarzenegger-style biceps with a bat that looks puny in his hand, and you have to reach for binoculars to confirm it's Adam Hollioake. An offspinner sending down a few inadvertently elicits a pang of nostalgia and is confirmed to be Saeed Ajmal. Simon Helmot is the high-performance coach, and Umar Gul is another one amidst a blur of new faces.
But this season's main character is team director Mohammad Hafeez, who is now declaring himself thoroughly disappointed by the conditions they had to endure in Canberra. Addressing reporters - for some reason, under the glare of the sun rather than indoors - he says he never expected such a slow pitch in Australia; you don't need to be an expert at subtext reading to know he believes it was gamesmanship from the opposition.
Masood walks back to the shade of the sheds - Perth this time of year really is searingly hot - and has a word with the team manager. This pitch, too, is much too slow, and doesn't bounce too much. It will be nothing like the strip Australia prepare for Pakistan at Perth Stadium across the Matagarup Bridge, he believes. Over the next three weeks, plenty of his instincts will turn out to be correct. Including this one.
****
Just because you know something will happen doesn't mean you can stop it happening, as Pakistan find out at Perth Stadium. Australia have a pace trio whose speeds never seem to drop, whose consistency never seems to waver and whose appetite never seems to be satiated. They also have Nathan Lyon, bearing down on 500 Test wickets. Pakistan have a man doing a pale imitation of the Shaheen Afridi who could threaten 150kph, and two debutants.
One of them - Khurram Shahzad - has never played outside Pakistan before. Aamer Jamal's last exposure abroad came in China, where he conceded 23 runs in five balls against Afghanistan to knock Pakistan out of the Asian Games. They also have no specialist spinner because Sajid Khan, coming in for Abrar, hasn't got over his jet lag or, frankly, his inability to consistently land the ball near enough the right length in international cricket.
Anyway, back to the pitch. Pakistan only fully realise how spicy it is by the time the fourth evening rolls around. Perhaps the clue should have been in the fact that Pakistan's inexperienced medium-pace battery had by then taken 15 Australian wickets - two more than they had managed during Pakistan's entire Test series in this country in 2019. When the kick truly begins to hit Pakistan, they fold for 89.
As if they weren't hobbled enough already, Pakistan also find a way of shooting themselves in the foot. Mohammad Rizwan averaged over 45 in Australia before this series - albeit over a small sample size. Sarfaraz Ahmed - over a slightly bigger sample - averaged below 30, and barely above 15 if the similarly lively pitches in South Africa are taken into account. Sarfaraz is also older and it seems past his prime, and Rizwan, statistically, is a far superior wicketkeeper.
"Australia is almost like Pakistan's cricketing version of a teenage crush, in front of whom they are so eager to bring their best yet reliably incapable of doing so"
But Sarfaraz vs Rizwan is a culture war too tedious to relitigate, except to say that it has at times had not much to do with cricket. Masood offered an explanation for why Pakistan were lining up with Sarfaraz, and it seemed to have more to do with rewarding performances in domestic cricket in Pakistan than assessing who had the better shot of performing half a world away. After a match in which Sarfaraz totalled seven runs and missed a stumping, he was gone. Rizwan, who played the final two Tests, ended up as Pakistan's highest scorer of the whole series.
****
Hafeez's touring side is a tightly run ship. The players and staffs' interactions with the media are obsessively regulated; beyond the compulsory press conferences, you virtually don't hear from the players at all. At one point during an extended break between the first and second Tests, Australia wheel out Usman Khawaja, Alex Carey and Mitchell Starc, but no one from Pakistan fronts up at all.
Perhaps Hafeez, who owes this surprise stint as team director and head coach more to his outspoken views in the media rather than any management or training qualifications, feels rather differently about the media now he's back in the other camp. When Pakistan play an unscheduled two-day practice match against a Victorian XI at St Kilda, it is closed off to the media - though whether it was the PCB or Cricket Australia (CA) who wanted it behind closed doors remains disputed. Either way, if you wanted to watch the game, you would need to peer through a fence.
The general sense of wariness extends to the captains' pre-series press conferences. The biggest story around the tour at this point surrounds the ICC rebuffing Khawaja's attempts to raise awareness of the humanitarian disaster in Gaza. There is overwhelming public support in Pakistan for Khawaja's decision and the cause, but Masood is firm when asked about it repeatedly, calling it a matter for CA and the player himself to address. His eyes are fixed firmly on the Benaud-Qadir Trophy gleaming in the sun (why must all Perth press conferences take place under the sun?) a few metres away.
Even normal conventions around fronting players up for media post-day are stretched close to breaking point. After the first day of play, Jamal shows up; all series, Pakistan will put forward a player post-day just seven times, with Jamal appearing thrice. On the other three days in Perth, Pakistan wheel through the management staff they have, with Hollioake and Gul making appearances the following two days, and Hafeez showing up after the loss; he will show up after the conclusion of each Test. Australian PM Anthony Albanese, who the visiting Pakistanis met in Canberra and then again before the third Test in Sydney, likely said more off-the-record words to Masood than any journalist on the whole tour.
But for a dressing room that had the potential to be combustible after the manner of Babar Azam's resignation and Masood's appointment, perhaps keeping such a tight lid on things isn't the worst idea. And to Hafeez's credit, it works, for the most part. Very little of note leaks out of the camp all tour, but then some of what does make its way out suggests player morale in a social bubble of this kind might not have been especially high; there is unhappiness about a reported curfew, and a smiling Hafeez confirms one of the more outlandish rumours in a press conference in Melbourne: any players caught napping during work hours will be fined $500.
The press room laughs. It's a little less funny when, 24 hours later, Hafeez, enjoying an airport coffee with his wife, arrives late to the boarding gate and misses his flight to Sydney.
****
Get your body moving with Hasan Ali! #AUSvPAK pic.twitter.com/8Y0ltpInXx
— cricket.com.au (@cricketcomau) December 28, 2023
The desperation to compete in Australia is palpable. This country is almost like Pakistan's cricketing version of a teenage crush, in front of whom they are so eager to bring their best yet reliably incapable of doing so. And for all the humour you can poke at Pakistan's ever-extending losing streak here, this Pakistan side is no joke, and despite the wholesome interactions with the hosts they clearly appear to enjoy, they are here undoubtedly to try and win.
It's raining on Christmas Day, and so training is moved indoors. This is handy for Pakistan, because when the Australians bring out their families - as is tradition here - it makes Pakistan's amicable gesture of presents for the children look even sweeter and more intimate. The overhead conditions will continue to smile upon Pakistan all Test, reliably offering them the best of both bowling and batting conditions. The bowlers are on top of Australia all of day one, but the hosts scratch around and find a way to survive.
Pakistan's generosity extends to the field, where they put down Australian chances several times across both innings, somehow finding a way to squander the advantage gained by having Australia 16 for 4 in the second innings. In a contest where Pakistan continue to dream each day of a festive miracle, Australia keep jolting them awake, even if, in the process, they are given scares of their own.
Hafeez, smarting after the loss, does his best Jose Mourinho impression, deflecting attention onto himself by blaming "the curse of technology" while saying the better team had lost. Pakistani cricket fans have the reputation of being conspiracy-loving, but they had the good sense to tune this out; heartbreak and lingering resentment is, after all, an unhealthy mix. When Masood was asked about Hafeez's comments in Sydney, he, too, would give them short shrift.
****
Shan Masood has been impressing people on this tour and it's not the usual compliments about his communication skills and tact. He's simply having a good tour as captain and, going into Sydney, is Pakistan's leading run-scorer, with a higher strike rate than any player from either side all series. Managing a depleted bowling lineup like Pakistan's is no mean feat, especially when Afridi is rested for the final Test. The seam combination had been used judiciously enough to control run-scoring in Melbourne, with Agha Salman's spin handy at tying up an end. Time and again, Pakistan set up with unconventional fields and bespoke bowling plans.
Some of them come off and others don't, but the captaincy itself is an active rather than passive act all tour. At the SCG, Steven Smith is lured right into an off-side trap to trigger a mini-collapse in Australia's first innings, which ends with Jamal heroics and a 14-run lead for Pakistan, their first in Australia in 13 years. Sajid doesn't have the best first innings in Sydney, but Masood turns to him for the first over of the second innings, which he ends by ensnaring Khawaja. The choice not to use Jamal until the game's effectively over is rather less scrutable, but for a man whose first three Tests in charge provide the baptism of fire this tour brings, there is a clear foundation to build on.
And for a dressing room that was allegedly unhappy with some of the goings on, the players stood up for each other time and again. Abdullah Shafique was rallied around after his miserable time in the field, as was Saim Ayub after similar experiences in the third Test. There was no dropping of the heads during those long sessions when it all looks hopeless, or any public remonstrations between bowler and fielder when catches are put down and misfields happen. If this is down to Masood's ethos as captain, it bodes well, and if it is not, then he has the good fortune of leading a group which, despite certain frustrations and differences, has a streak of professionalism coursing through.
The players realise they are fortunate to be doing what they do, but don't forget to have fun doing it. Hasan Ali is the expected leader in that regard, notably making sure Bay 13 crowd at the MCG is in lockstep with his dance moves. Babar and Agha enjoy a hand game known as pugam pugayee as they field in the slips before the duo race across at the change of ends alongside Rizwan, holding hands. Slipper Agha also sees the funnier side of going, as he called it, "for a pee break" and knowing he was in trouble when a catch at first slip is put down in that very over. And, across the series, Pakistan's boundary riders are more than happy to oblige spectators asking for autographs, running back and forth with smiles on their faces while delighting at the smiles they in turn put on the faces of the children whose day they made.
The worry for Pakistan is not that this tour was a disaster; the scoreline was widely expected, and in fact it was something of a pleasant surprise that the defeats weren't more comprehensive. But for a side that, as Masood repeatedly mentioned, doesn't play enough Test cricket, there remains great danger for any gains made here to be lost. Saying there are foundations to build on feels empty when no one truly knows when the PCB will hold an election for chairman, who the head coach will be, or if there will ever be a consistent yardstick against which success and failure are measured and treated. Pakistan have, after all, offered 16 players Test debuts in the last three years, more than any other side despite how few Tests they have played. Players, coaches, chairmen and PCB patrons come and go, their ideas scattered in the wind to be lost forever.
So who knows if Masood will get the time to implement the style of play he wants his Test side to adopt? Who knows if Jamal will be treated with the patience he will undoubtedly need when he runs into a bad spell, perhaps in another format, as he did in China in October? And who knows, indeed, how this particular 0-3 scoreline will be received, and what lessons will be drawn from it?
Pakistan are packing their bags and heading off to New Zealand to play a different format now. The players might have enjoyed some special moments and made memories to last a lifetime and that, at least, is something that cannot be taken away from them at a whim. They might have begun the tour under the shelter of an umbrella, dodging the freak Canberra hail, but they know full well that when they land in Pakistan, there is often no hiding place.