So, farewell then, David Warner. Although bringing down the curtain on a storied Test career is really only the start of the long goodbye for Australia's best-loved bad-boy-turned-good, a man who seemed to epitomise what the country is really all about: looks cuddly, might kill you.
There was, predictably, plenty of emotion swirling around the SCG as Warner doffed his baggy green for the final time (that after the cap had mysteriously resurfaced at the team hotel, presumably with the toerag who had pinched it having realised his grave mistake). Australians love a good send-off - and we're not just talking about the Merv Hughes variety - so don't be surprised if there's plenty more lovey-Davey stuff to come between this international retirement and the next instalment or two.
Warner himself has places to be and has never been afraid to take the aerial route - as evidenced by a transparent attempt to skip the speeches at his brother's wedding. But what does the future hold, beyond T20 leagues and stints in the commentary box? The Light Roller looks at some likely options…
Head honcho at X/Twitter
Once known for playing fast and loose on social media, Warner has become something of a guru. He TikTok-ed his way into everyone's good books during the first Covid lockdown and recently admitted that he lets his wife check over his tweets before he presses send - which sounds like the sort of wisdom Elon Musk could benefit from.
The next James Bond
Why not upgrade that licence to thrill? There was a glimpse of Warner's box-office appeal in the aforementioned helicopter dash to BBL duty - although, disappointingly, he missed the opportunity to parachute out of the chopper and into the stadium Daniel Craig-style. Can probably already handle a Walther PPK, not so sure about a British accent. Famously used to instruct players mixing the drinks during Test matches that he liked his shaken, not stirred.
Social Justice Warner
The Aussies are all about being woke these days, but we should have realised back when he was taking Joe Root to task in a Birmingham Walkabout for mocking people with beards that Warner has long been on the side of the righteous. His chequered past - Usman Khawaja's mum calls him "Shaitan", and he has been reformed more times than a pack of supermarket ham - arguably makes him uniquely qualified to lecture us on where we're going wrong.
Bluey x Davey
Once the attack dog in Australia's attempts to ruffle their opponents in the field, Warner is now perfectly placed to join Bluey's cast of family-friendly cartoon canines. Loves his daughters? Check. Adept at coming up with wacky and heartwarming ways to pass the time? Check. Good for a game of backyard cricket? Check. The guy who does the voice of Bandit should start getting worried.
Opens chain of hardware stores
Seriously, if he's going to get sledged about sandpaper for the rest of his career he might as well try to earn a crust from it. The marketing material practically writes itself: "Warner's Premium Grade - erases even the most regrettable errors."
****
Talking of Australia openers, Steven Smith has taken his first-in-the-nets-last-out approach to its logical conclusion by successfully petitioning to be Warner's replacement. Smith, it seems, was bored of sitting around talking to his team-mates and pretending to like crosswords before a couple of wickets fell and he could fidget his way out to the middle, so decided to seek a new challenge. For a man whose problem-solving approach to batting has long had a touch of Zack Galifianakis math about it, this makes sense - but we can't help but wonder if Smith's not-inconsiderable cricketing acumen might be put to better use. Never mind dealing with new-ball swing and fullish lengths, couldn't Smith challenge himself by trying to fix the international calendar or discover the true meaning of Matthew Hayden?
****
Mohammad Hafeez and the Technology Curse. No, that is not the latest Pakistani rip-off of the Indiana Jones franchise - although there were some epic feelgood lolz about their recent tour down under. Pakistan played good cricket, Pakistan played bad cricket, Pakistan gave gifts to their hosts at Christmas (and that's before we get to dropping all those catches or resting their star bowler). But it was Hafeez, the new team director, who veered back into more traditional territory by blaming "inconsistent umpiring and technology curse" for his side's defeat in the second Test, at the MCG. That and the dropped catches, of course. He went on to conclude: "When you factor in all the booby traps, implacable supernatural forces and time-travelling Nazis, it's fair to say we never stood a chance."