Welcome, Hyderabad 2024, step right this way. I believe you know Adelaide 2010 and Karachi 2000? Pull up a chair next to Port of Spain 1974 and Kingston 1990. Hope you're hungry - Brisbane 1986 is making pancakes.
The 'Best Away Wins by an England Men's Test Team' club has a new member. And as the dust settles on either end of the central pitch at the Rajiv Gandhi International Stadium, it is worth considering this as the greatest of them all. Pass the syrup, Sydney 1894.
England bested an India who had lost just three Tests at home since the start of 2013. World number ones of the modern era, only lacking the World Test Championship mace to prove it, beaten by 28 runs in one of the most remarkable come-from-behind wins. The brilliance lies in its absurdity, like most of what this team do under Ben Stokes' captaincy and Brendon McCullum's guidance.
India were 190 ahead going into the second innings, and the biggest first-innings lead they had previously squandered at home was 65 against Australia in 1964. They had looked far more controlled than England's first effort of 246 housed within 65 overs on day one, which now looks oddly prescient given how rushed it seemed at the time.
They responded to that deficit by putting together the ninth 400-plus score in a second innings against India on their patch. And it was Ollie Pope, who averaged 19.12 here on the 2021 tour, and began the match with 1 off 11, that drove them to it. Now bolstered by a positive result, the vice-captain's 196, a pulsating Russian Roulette affair, need not be so shy pushing its case as England's greatest one-man assault.
The way Pope blitzed the world-class spin trio of R Ashwin, Ravi Jadeja and Axar Patel was previously unfathomable. India coach Rahul Dravid, a generational great whom Kevin Pietersen once emailed for tips on how to play spin ahead of his own Indian epic in 2012, put Pope in a league of his own. "I haven't seen a better exhibition of sweeping and reverse-sweeping ever, you know, in these conditions against that quality of bowling."
Setting their hosts 231 to win, England stomped all over India's line-up despite the fact their primary spinner, Jack Leach, was unable to fully straighten or bend his left knee after suffering a deep bruise in the field on day one. Limited to four-over spells at most, Leach prised out the last 'full-time' batter in Shreyas Iyer to make it 119 for 7. Iyer is regarded as the best player of the turning ball in this India team. And here he was: this silky, Mumbai-reared savant, pressing forward and snicking to first slip off a one-legged man from Taunton.
Even with Leach limited to one in each innings, 18 Indian wickets fell to spin. The missing two were run outs, including a charging, diving, back-handing direct hit from Stokes, who two months ago was on crutches following left knee surgery, to remove Jadeja, the fastest thing on earth with a vaudeville moustache.
"We've had some incredible victories. But considering where we are, and who we playing against, the position we found ourselves going into our second innings of batting... this is our best victory since I've been captain." Ben Stokes' verdict on England's 28-run win in Hyderabad
Perhaps most remarkable of all was the hero of the final day. With 7 for 62, Tom Hartley becomes the first England spinner to take as many on debut since Jim Laker, a Mount Rushmore cricketer as far as the English game is concerned.
That Hartley is even here is its own unique chapter of this broader epic. He had just one five-wicket haul in 20 first-class matches for Lancashire - against a Surrey team who were pre-occupied with their extra-curricular activities over those four days, having sealed the 2022 County Championship the week before. Across 10 red-ball matches last summer, Hartley's 19 wickets came at 44.84 apiece.
Selectors picked on dating-app whims, opting for Hartley's six-foot-four frame over squatter options with better profiles. His first date with destiny was a car crash: the first (and fourth) ball of his Test career smashed for six by Yashasvi Jaiswal.
Sitting in the dressing room at the end of day one, figures of none for 63 from nine overs, the magnitude of it all dawned on him. Hartley offered Jeetan Patel, England's assistant coach, an honest, "that was hard work", cheeks still scorned by the harsh welcome. Fellow left-arm spinner Leach offered consolation before the rest of the group hyped up his six off Ashwin earlier in the day to pump up a deflated ego.
72 hours on, having bowled in a fourth innings for just the seventh time in his career, he might have an altogether different take on playing cricket this level. Following a vital 34 in an 80-run stand with Pope that took England one away from the 420 they would end up with, Hartley set about etching some better history.
Jaiswal pressed forward with too much vigour and nudged a sharp catch to Pope in close. Shubman Gill did the same two balls later. Having stepped into shots with relish a few days ago, Rohit Sharma put his best foot forward in the wrong place and found himself squared up for a plumb LBW. Then Axar, promoted up the order to combat the left-arm spin with the left-hand bat, misjudged the pitch of the ball and drove back to Hartley four balls after tea.
That was the beginning of an eight-over spell - for 10 runs, featuring three maidens - brimming with threat and, crucially, control. The high release point pushed as the main reason for his selection that was ridiculed online was now being glorified. It was not quite the bounce, but the late dip from the balls on high that turned seasoned vets into pets.
Resistance came from Srikar Bharat, but was soon broken by a slowed-down delivery that pitched on middle and took off stump. And he rounded out what will probably remain the most memorable day of his career with two stumpings, both caused by the tension he created.
Hartley joins Will Jacks and Rehan Ahmed as the third spinner under Stokes to start their career with a five-wicket haul. It speaks to the environment that all three came into Test cricket with no first-class record to speak of and now have memories for a lifetime. Maybe that is how this result should be remembered. Not as the first of five matches, but one of one.
He was also full of praise for Ollie Pope for his 196 and his contributions as vice-captain
There will be a response from India, on several fronts. The opening win in 2021 elicited a swing in manufactured conditions and personnel, and England did not have the wares to copy or contend with them. The only thing more dangerous than a rampant India is a wounded India.
Before the series began, Stokes discussed the glory of the previous two years, and the need to press on in exactly the same manner. To evolve. Winning 13 out 18 was great and all, but such a record should be built upon rather than preserved.
"One thing I asked for this series, and stuff beyond that, was, 'Can we stay committed to our process without becoming emotionally attached to the outcome?'" And now here they are, with what Stokes ranks as the greatest triumph of his tenure.
"We've had some incredible victories," he said. "But considering where we are, and who we playing against, the position we found ourselves going into our second innings of batting… just sitting here now and saying we're 1-0 up, it's a big reason as to why I feel this is our best victory since I've been captain."
The new cycle has begun with the most evocative of wins, borne out of defiance, class, risk, pluck and, ultimately, joy. England started quickly, fell way behind, clawed back into the contest, set a new tone and then grafted, with old and new side by side, to triumph over a juggernaut.
Of all the stunning wins travelling English Test teams have accomplished, few, if any, have contained it all.