When something unbelievable happens on TV, it becomes a part of our real life. We talk about it the next day, long after the reveal, still basking in it. It's the standard soap-opera high, and the IPL has been tapping into it for 18 years. Its even had an evil twin.
By actively shuffling its talent through that chaos engine called an auction, this tournament replenishes itself, creating potential for the most unpredictable outcomes, not to mention immediately recognisable storylines born out of putting the same old players in fun new roles. This season we'll see the return of a prodigal son, the start of a new feud, a lot of heartbreak and much more.
"It feels odd actually," R Ashwin said in a video posted by Chennai Super Kings, where for the first time since 2015 he was wearing yellow again. In that time, he's captained a different franchise, he's been to two finals, he's experienced Chepauk from the visitors' dugout and seemed to make it a point to do really well against his old employers - eight wins in 12 games along with 15 wickets and two Player-of-the-Match performances. That's twice as much as he won at CSK. Dude was winning the breakup.
In November, CSK brought Ashwin back for INR 9.75 crore. They've only ever spent more on five players in auctions, and he's got right down to business, which, according to some shaky cam footage of training sessions, includes downloading the secrets of playing the helicopter shot from MS Dhoni. Or was it actually an upload?
"I invited him for my 100th Test to hand over the memento," Ashwin, who is looking at a major personal landmark, said at a book launch on Sunday. "It was in Dharamsala and I wanted to make that my last Test. He couldn't make it. But I didn't think he'd hand over the gift of getting me back to CSK. It's a much better one."
Coincidence is Shreyas Iyer becoming Ranji Trophy champion a few days after he was cut from the BCCI's central contracts list. Then he became IPL champion, Syed Mushtaq Ali Trophy winner, and Champions Trophy winner, and it was clear he was the jilted ex showing off his revenge bod. Fate even conspired to have Roger Binny, the head of the organisation that tore up his contract, hand out the silverware - and white jackets - in all but one of those tournaments. Kolkata Knight Riders, what have you done?!
Punjab Kings are ready for a new beginning, and they didn't waste any time putting their very expensive good-luck charm front and centre.
All was not well at Delhi Capitals and Lucknow Super Giants. The face of one of those franchises leapt up on the shop window when he casually wondered, in front of the entire world, "if I go to the auction, will I be sold or not and for how much?" We're not saying that put the competition on notice that a high-performing, easily marketable asset was up for grabs and that they'd do well to carve out a significant portion of their budget for him. But we're also not not saying it. Rishabh Pant landed himself an INR 27 crore payday and will be playing for a team whose owner berated their previous captain on live TV.
"Disrespect," KL Rahul said, when ESPNcricinfo asked him about the one thing that made him really angry, and it was hard not to think of that night when he stood in stunned silence, unable to reconcile that 167 runs could be scored in 9.4 overs while his boss demanded answers for all of it happening on his watch. Accountability is important, and being mauled like that does warrant a debrief if only so it doesn't happen again. IPL captains are prone to being summoned out of bed in the dead of night to explain the decisions they make - even the really minute ones like why they poked their nose at a 42-degree angle instead of 45. It's part of the job. It's just that all this usually takes place behind closed doors.
Rahul has now moved to DC. Isn't that nice? Now there are neatly-drawn enemy lines. Look for them this Monday because those two teams kick off their IPL campaigns against each other.
In a case of actual love lost, Glenn Maxwell and Royal Challengers Bengaluru are no longer together. But there's still something there. When they had the exit meeting, they "ended up talking about the game for half an hour". Does that sound like two parties who are ready to move on? All we can do is hope that his new franchise treats him right and helps mend his broken heart. Where is he off to again? *checks notes* Oh damn.
Jos Buttler is in need of mending as well. He looked like a ghost in the Champions Trophy and though most people put that down to his own personal performance as batter and leader of England, the real reason was obviously that he was distraught he won't get to go play with Yuzvendra Chahal anymore. Feelings that probably surfaced when another Rajasthan Royal, Sanju Samson, with whom he's shared a dressing room for seven years, found his way to Buttler's table at dinner, a blubbering mess himself. Good luck following that, Gujarat Titans.
There is a Steve Smith on X, a normal guy with a regular job, who gets spammed every time his rather more famous namesake does things in cricket. Potentially, there is also a Mitchell Starc somewhere out there who must have received a message meant for someone else, because his rather more famous namesake had no idea KKR were going to drop him. The retention deadline had long passed and Starc - the white-ball GOAT not the made-up rando - had to learn that the team he helped win the IPL had moved on in the media. It's going to be fun when they come up against each other this year (April 29 in Delhi). Based on words caught on a stump mic, this guy with a WMD for a left arm also has a long memory.