Roll up, folks! It's T20 World Cup time. Just a few days out and we have 20 - count 'em, they've all got their visas and everything - teams ready and raring to go for the start of the tournament, which will take place in India and Sri Lanka over the course of the next month. Are they the same 20 teams that originally qualified? No! Are they going to play all their scheduled games? Maybe not! But why let small details like that get in the way of you having a good time?
We explained in the past why the T20 World Cup has become bigger, bouncier and better than before (do not say more tediously drawn out), so let's dive straight into everything you need to know about the group stage - from who are the holders (India), to who are the favourites (India), to who will likely get to play the last match before the knockouts again (India again, who'da thunk?). Enjoy!
Group A: India, Namibia, Netherlands, Pakistan, USA
Oh look, India and Pakistan have been drawn in the same group! What are the chances? No, really, that is very fortunate for the ICC and their broadcast partners. It would be a great shame if Pakistan went ahead with their planned boycott of this fixture, because as per various ICC releases, it is paramount that the sanctity of the tournament be protected, and we really just have absolutely no room at all for politics, guys. (Please don't question the ICC on this standard they have so bravely held for so long.)
Group A features a solid undercard of Associates, with Netherlands and Namibia having played the last several T20 World Cups, and USA pushing to finally make the grade as cricket's diaspora-rich (and money-rich) promised land. It's all just chum to be tossed into the great gaping maw of Indian cricket, of course. The hosts and holders are strong favourites to steamroller the opposition all the way to wherever the final is being staged (still TBC because, y'know, politics) and retain the trophy. The world's best - perhaps only - chance of stopping them is if Mohsin Naqvi can somehow get his hands on it first.
Dark horses to go through: USA managed a surprise in 2024, but one of the stars of their campaign has just been charged with fixing, so the omens aren't good for a repeat. Netherlands have lost all nine of their previous meetings with Pakistan, and therefore, by the internal/infernal logic of Pakistan cricket, are overdue to blast them out for 47.
Team most likely to withdraw at the last minute: There's an obvious answer here, and sadly it's tied to global geopolitics… Right now the USA is making moves on Greenland, sovereign territory of Denmark, which means there is a non-zero chance that the Netherlands team will take it upon themselves to show solidarity with their European neighbours and refuse to play USA. Don't let cricket fans down like that, Netherlands! You don't have to shake American hands if you don't want to, but please play them. Think of the sanctity!
Group B: Australia, Ireland, Oman, Sri Lanka, Zimbabwe
Here we go - Sri Lankan cricket's time to shine. Those freewheeling island mavericks didn't have much fun in the good ol' US of A two years ago but can draw on home comforts as they look to recreate the carnival vibes of their uber-successful 2007-2014 period. Admittedly, the most freewheeling member of the current set-up is the coach, Sanath Jayasuriya - who, following Sri Lanka's recent run of poor results, must be dishing out his notorious dressing-room bollockings at the revolutionary strike rates he was famed for (get 'em, Sanath). But at least Ireland, Oman and Zimbabwe aren't overflowing with mystery spinners to trip them up. Right? Right???
Australia are the powerhouse in the Group B house and will play with the insouciant swagger of their captain, Mitchell Marsh. Of course, that means they might also squander the vast talent at their disposal, as signposted by a 3-0 shoeing in Pakistan ahead of the World Cup.
Dark horses to go through: Ireland have an experienced squad but, like pinch-hitters and oversized sweaters, their giant-killing days appear to be a thing of the past. Zimbabwe didn't qualify for the last T20 World Cup but do now hold the record for the highest team score in T20Is. So there's that.
Team most likely to withdraw at the last minute: Could the co-hosts end up pulling out of their own tournament, making it a trio of India-adjacent boycotters? Such is the tenor of SLC's current relationship with the BCCI, though, they would only boycott if India told them to, and they'd do it happily and say thank you.
Group C: England, Italy, Nepal, Scotland, West Indies
The wake for Bazball is barely over - not that England have a drinking culture, no sir - but Brendon and the boys are back to kick the can down the road for a few more weeks. England and post-Ashes World Cup campaigns are a long and studied history in self-flagellation but, whisper it, their one-dimensional slogging might actually serve them quite well at this tournament. That or they'll implode spectacularly.
West Indies arrive with the usual big-hitting bevvy of franchise globetrotters in their ranks. But do they have a theme song, a viral dance, and an unquenchable thirst for self-promotion? Things just ain't been the same for them since the "Gangnam Style" days of 2012, and the Champ-yon extravaganza in 2016. Nepal are back at the big dance for the third time, while the Italians are making their debut - we would make some football-based jokes here, but given the make-up of the side, it would have to be Aussie rules. Last but not least are Scotland, parachuted in as late replacements for Bangladesh. Because, y'know, politics.
Dark horses to go through: The Scots finished behind Netherlands, Italy and Jersey at the Euro Qualifier last year but won their place on the basis of the ICC rankings and will be raring to prove a point - not least to those sassenachs south of the border.
Team most likely to withdraw at the last minute: England, but only because if they do, they can all be free of this damn team curfew and get on the beers again. CHUG! CHUG! CHUG!
Group D: Afghanistan, Canada, New Zealand, South Africa, UAE
There always has to be a Group of Death, doesn't there? Even if a group containing New Zealand's cute cuddlies automatically becomes far too polite and well-mannered to consider killing anyone off. South Africa, no longer the team that doesn't win stuff in a spectacularly self-owning way, look like the surest shot to reach the knockouts (which in the past was just a set-up to one of cricket's great punchlines, RIP), while New Zealand remain the go-to nice-guys-who-finish-second (see last year's Champions Trophy).
Can Afghanistan crash the party again, as with their run to the semi-finals in 2024, or will they be taken down by their own volatility? The presence of Canada and UAE, meanwhile, adds to the sense that this is actually the Friendly Group - so at least there won't be any problems with the handshakes.
Dark horses to go through: To be frank, if either Canada or UAE make it through, it'll be on the back of an armoured elephant equipped with lasers, rather than mere underdog horsepower.
Team most likely to withdraw at the last minute: How many Pakistan-origin players is too many when looking to gain entry for a major tournament in India? Asking for an UAE-based friend...