This is a bunch of words. Fair warning, they aren't particularly concerned with making sense. They could try but at this point they aren't quite bothered. They are just placeholders. Actually, they're a gimmick. It's ham-fisted, as they can be occasionally but that doesn't preclude them from working, which let's hope this does because it's already starting to peter out. We're conducting an experiment. It involves Ravindra Jadeja. We're already close to halfway there.
In 2021, he pulled off an extreme version of what he is so good at. Trapping batters on the crease. India were behind in the game, trying to rectify a problem that seemed to follow them whenever they go away from home. The lead bowlers building pressure - Jasprit Bumrah and Umesh Yadav combined had figures of 26-7-76-5 - without finding any real support: the others were 16-3-56-0. Jadeja had been on the periphery of things until now but as soon as the captain Virat Kohli realised he needed a little more control he turned to him. Also, we've arrived. It would've taken about 60 seconds to read this. And if Jadeja had been bowling while you were reading this, you'd have missed the entire over. He bowled the 50th of England's first innings at The Oval in 64 seconds.
Disbelief is the shadow that genius leaves behind. Let's call that the first law of Warnodynamics. Every time he bowled legspin it was like he was tilting the world. There were numerous batters who needed a second look just to check, yep, those are my stumps and yep, they've been shattered by a ball that only seemed half interested in landing on the cut strip.
Jadeja has invoked this same reaction from Steven Smith. Twice. In 2013, Smith let a ball that pitched outside off stump go and got bowled, and then, in 2017, he let a ball that pitched outside leg stump go and got bowled. But those matches were played on spinning pitches - Delhi's day one already looked like day three and Ranchi's by day five was no picnic. So the skill that was required to make one of the world's best all-conditions run-scorers essentially give up his wicket gets overshadowed.
There is merit to both sides of this debate, except we're not going to go there. Instead, we'll pick up on how even the most ardent Jadeja fan and the most dedicated Jadeja myth-buster will come together to agree that the way he hustles through his overs is not normal. Once, in Mumbai 2016, with barely seconds on the clock, he got through what seemed certain to be the last over of the day quickly enough that R Ashwin had a chance to bowl at the nightwatch Jake Ball and dismiss him before end of play. Nowadays nobody bats an eyelash at that.
Numbness becomes a necessary salve against genius. Second law of Warnodynamics. Eventually, people just began to accept that he could do amazing things amazingly well and amazingly frequently that it would be exhausting to react to all of them. He was one of the first to see the potential in Jadeja. He called him a rockstar.
In Kanpur, Jadeja will set another speed record. He will become the second-quickest player in the almost 150 years of Test history to the double of 300 wickets and 3000 runs. He'll get there in 74 matches, just two more than Ian Botham. There is a temptation to brush even this off, because only 26 of those matches have come away from home and in them his bowling average is 32.78, which is almost a full 10 points above his career figure. But the thing is he isn't picked for his wickets when India travel. He gets in on the basis that he can hold up one end so that the fast bowlers can be rotated from the other.
At the Oval, three years ago, when India were racing against time to go 2-1 up in a five-match series, Jadeja got through a workload of 30 overs in the final innings and allowed just 50 runs. Along the way, he kept hitting the rough so often and so hard, not because it was giving him a whole load of help but because it was scuffing the ball up enough for his team-mates to generate devastating reverse swing.
That smooth, easy, three step, maybe four, at best five, repeatable action with which he has given the impression he can land the ball on a laser pointer is a super power and it is not too far off from, say, an action that is jittery and wind-milling and weaponises an elbow that can hyper-extend. Because in the end both of them create the same effect on the batter. It is hard to line the ball up and play it with confidence. And with how rapidly he goes through his overs, Jadeja traps them inside this feeling, which must feel doubly annoying for an opposition because he rarely reciprocates.
"He has been a very inspirational story as far as I am concerned," Ashwin said after the final day's play in Chennai earlier this week. "He made his Test debut just after me. Probably six months apart maybe. And I saw how he used to bat. Then I was batting ahead of him at one stage. And he has actually walked in at No. 5 for us several times. Many of these occasions over the last three or four years, when he has walked in to bat, I felt so good in the dressing room. You feel so calm and composed when he is batting. He has brought that kind of assurance. And someone who is an allrounder, who is a bowler who can bat, to turn himself being such an impeccable batsman…"
His second skill in some ways lends him more of a presence in the minds of the fans. Because when he get to a landmark, he does the sword dance. The first time it happened was when he stopped caring about the match situation and simply began whacking the ball. He doesn't do that anymore. He's grown beyond that.
In only one of the last nine years has Jadeja averaged anything less than 35. The strength of his defence was on show during a century in Birmingham when he walked in with India on 98 for 5, and it has been a vital part of why India are able to outlast oppositions. Getting rid of the top-order actually brings one of their better batters to the crease.
"[He has] played some great knocks for us overseas as well," Ashwin said. "Such an inspirational story about how he has found his off stump, how disciplined he has managed to be, how he has contributed. Jadeja on the field is a fire, he is a rocket on the field. So, all in all, I envy him. I am jealous of him but totally admire him. I have learnt to admire him for the last four-five years, even more than I have in the past. Sometimes, when you are in the race along with your co-cricketers - you are in a race - you compete, you are ambitious, you want to get ahead of one another even inside a team. It's like brothers going in arms. And then you slowly start admiring one another. That admiration has gone one step higher, knowing that I can never beat Jadeja. I am comfortable in my skin but totally inspired by what he has done."
It is interesting seeing the profile of people that have appreciated Jadeja for his work so far. As a 19-year-old, he had Shane Warne convinced. Through his 20s, he was harassing batters of incredible quality. Faf du Plessis, when asked about which bowler gave him sleepless nights, went "Test matches in India, Ra-vin-draaa Jade-jaaa." Smith's said the same and Ashwin's probably already filing the necessary papers to start a fan club. Game don't get any gamier and you know what game does. #Recognise.