When my daughter was little, she had these Disney princess jigsaw puzzles she really loved. She loved them so much she'd open them both at the same time. I warned her over and over not to do it, that she'd mix up the pieces. She ignored me.
Then one night, I heard her screaming. When I found her, she had one of the puzzles nearly done, but one piece was missing. The final piece she had in her hand was from the other puzzle. It wouldn't fit, no matter how many ways she turned it or flipped it or how hard she hammered on it.
"Sorry, kid," I told her. "It's never going to fit. You need to work on finding the missing piece."
"But Mommy sucked it up with the vacuum!"
"Well ... then you need to start another puzzle. This one's as done as it's ever going to be."
On Saturday night, as the dust settled on Week 13, I found myself having that same conversation, over and over again, on Twitter and through email. Only the tear-stained pleas weren't from my daughter -- or any kids at all. They were from grown men and women, fans of Notre Dame, who'd just been dealt a dagger of a defeat by Stanford. We've only lost to Clemson and Stanford and to both with no time left on the clock! The selection committee can see how good we really are, right?! And they were from Stanford fans, mere moments after Conrad Ukropina's 45-yarder sailed through the uprights, hollering, We have two losses, but we can still be a conference champion! You keep saying that's the most important thing to the playoff committee, right?!
And Florida fans: We can still win the SEC, that'll do it, right?!
And Baylor fans: We went through three quarterbacks ... just like Ohio State last year, right?!
And North Carolina fans: The committee knows it's not our fault that South Carolina is awful and that teams backed out of deals and stuck us with two FCS teams, right?!
And Oklahoma State fans: We were 10-0 just two weeks ago! Remember?!
But easily the loudest, most frustrated, drowned-in-helplessness fan base is located in Columbus, Ohio. The Buckeyes' supporters continue to point out how great they looked against Michigan, when they actually gave Ezekiel Elliott the football more than a dozen times (more on that later). They have reminded me that they've lost only once in the last two seasons. And, dang it, McGee, didn't you see that doggone rain during the Michigan State game?! All of that has to matter to someone, somehow, some way ... right?!
I know it hurts, to be so close for so long but to now be on the outside looking in, watching someone tapping the keg at what was supposed to be your party. I know so-and-so is a great kid who has worked hard and he's your favorite player of all time. I know he has given you great memories. I know your team had tough luck, with those key guys who were injured at the wrong time, or even worse, those guys who decided to break a team rule at an even worse time.
And yes, I know Mother Nature wasn't kind.
I also know the summer preseason magazines predicted December would feel better than this. I know when we digitally chatted earlier this year, we worked through a few potentially awesome scenarios. We did that right up until a few days ago. But I also warned you two weeks ago the playoff had already started, that the regular season meant more than ever. When that bracket was still sprawled out and there were still teams for Mark Schlabach to actually eliminate in his Eliminator, it meant there were still plenty of scenarios to sift through. Now there's only wreckage.
The 2015 college football funnel is officially down to the skinny end. On Labor Day weekend, we started with 128 teams that technically had a shot. Now that list is probably down to five: Clemson, Alabama, Oklahoma, Iowa and Michigan State. OK, we might get to six or even seven, assuming Stanford wins the Pac-12 and an unlikely upset happens in the SEC or ACC title games.
The wackiest of those scenarios could even allow Ohio State to slip back in. That's the one that would need the Tide, the Tigers and the Cardinal to all lose, and for the committee to still have no problem with sending an invite to a team that isn't its league's champion, and two teams from the same league.
It feels downright cruel to type that, something that dares to bring a false flicker of hope. Because the hard, cold fact of the College Football Playoff is this: Not everyone gets to keep playing, no matter how unfair it feels or how you were once able to hold that spot in your hands, only to see it slip away like it was being handled by Notre Dame in the red zone.
You know, this is how postseasons work. It's supposed to be hard. In the end, only one team -- or in this case, four teams -- will be standing at the end of next weekend. For the other teams -- including, most likely, your team -- it's time to focus on what remains. There's a bowl game to win. There's a chance to say goodbye to your favorite players. And hey, the games will still be awesome, even if your team isn't playing in them.
I'm sorry, y'all. Like I told my weeping daughter, it's never going to fit. You need to start working on another puzzle. This one's as done as it's ever going to be.
Now let's get on with Flipping the Field.
The Tractor Pull Performance of the Week, presented by John Deere: Derrick Henry, RB, Alabama
In the Iron Bowl, Henry looked like Iron Man, plowing for 271 yards and a TD on 46 carries. The Tide ran a total of 76 offensive plays. At one point he had 14 straight carries. He ran the ball so many times that coach Nick Saban asked repeatedly if he needed a break. Henry always said no. When asked about his backfield mate, quarterback Jake Coker, Henry told Ivan Maisel, "He's weird. He's like a machine." More machine than man? Thanks, Obi-Wan.
Honorable Mention: Ezekiel Elliott, RB, Ohio State
Meanwhile, in the other Greatest Rivalry Ever, Elliott ground-pounded through Michigan for 214 yards and a pair of scores on a career-high 30 carries. It was also his fifth 200-yard rushing game, tying former Heisman winner Eddie George for tops all-time in Buckeye history, and he also passed George for second on Ohio State's all-time rushing list (3,812). All of this came one week after Elliott had only 33 yards on a dozen carries against Michigan State. So, that whole calling out the coaching staff in the locker room thing? It totally worked.
Yeah, but what does Hacksaw Jim Duggan think?
As #IronBowl started inevitably making its way up the trending topics chart, WWE legend The Iron Sheik decided to capitalize, tweeting: "IRON SHEIK THE LEGEND OF THE #IronBowl."
A little dab will do you... or three little dabs.
Some say the 2015 trend of coaches dancing is growing tired. I say I'm too busy getting my groove on to hear their complaints. And so are Urban Meyer, Bobby Petrino and Frank Beamer.
"We're going streaking!"
North Carolina has posted its first 11-game win streak since 1948 (Choo Choo Justice, y'all!), and at 11-1 has its first 11-win season since Mack Brown's '97 squad, the same one he left before the Gator Bowl to take the Texas job. The Tar Heels' upcoming ACC championship opponent, Clemson, hit 12-0 for the first time since its 1981 national title season (Homer Jordan, y'all!), posted its first perfect ACC regular season (7-0) since 1982, and hit 15 straight wins for first time since 1947-49. Also, Virginia Tech beat Virginia for its 12th straight Commonwealth Cup win and clinched its 23rd consecutive bowl berth (Frank Beamer, y'all!). Meanwhile, Wisconsin beat Minnesota in their 125th meeting, the most-played rivalry in FBS, and the Badgers extended their series-record streak to a dozen straight (Paul Bunyan, y'all!).
"Get in the car, Frank..."
Georgia Tech fell to 3-8 after its loss to Georgia and will not go bowling for the first time since 1996. Kansas was crushed by Kansas State, 45-14, and finished the year 0-12, its first winless season since 1954. The Jayhawks are one of only two oh-fer teams this year, joining 0-12 Central Florida, which lost to South Florida on Thanksgiving night. So, who will be good (bad) enough to grab the top (bottom) spot in the Bottom 10? Find out Tuesday.
Rivalry Weekend Trophy Power Rankings:
To clarify, these are only from the games played over this past weekend, not the rivalries throughout the season or even the weekend before Thanksgiving. That means too bad, so sad, Floyd of Rosedale, Jeweled Shillelagh and Old Brass Spittoon.
Paul Bunyan's Axe -- Wisconsin vs. Minnesota: A six-foot long axe with the winners painted on the handle? Yes, please. The only trophy better is the one they used before the axe, the Slab of Bacon Trophy. It disappeared in 1943 before Wisconsin found it in a storage closet 51 years later. I'd always assumed an offensive tackle ate it ... even though it's made of wood.
Victory Bell -- UCLA vs. USC: There are actually a handful of Victory Bells in play around the nation, but this one is the most historic -- and at 239 pounds, the heaviest. The Trojans will be ringing it all the way to the Pac-12 championship game.
Old Oaken Bucket -- Indiana vs. Purdue: The trophy was designed following very specific guidelines as drawn up by Boilermaker and Hoosier alumni associations in 1925. It had to be pulled from an Indiana well and adorned with a chain of bronze block letters representing each win. Indiana just added its third consecutive "I" on Saturday.
Wagon Wheel -- Kent State vs. Akron: Legend has it that as John Buchtel was searching for the land on which to found the school that would become the University of Akron, his wagon got bogged down in the mud and a wheel broke off. He moved on, but the spot where the spokes stuck is where Kent State now sits. The Zips rolled (get it?) over the Golden Flashes on Friday.
The Land of Lincoln Trophy -- Northwestern vs. Illinois: The Midwest dominates when it comes to trophies, including this one, which is only seven years old. It's a bronze rendering of a stovepipe hat, as in Abraham Lincoln, and was designed by the dude who used to draw Dick Tracy comic strips. It was introduced in '09 to replace the Sweet Sioux Tomahawk, which was literally shelved by the NCAA's ban on offensive Native American imagery. The Wildcats hoisted the headgear Saturday, inching closer to evening the 123-year old series 55-49-5.
The Danny Ford Scientific Rocket Quote of the Week:
When asked how he was informed he was being retained as the head coach at LSU, Les Miles replied, flatly, "Telegraph."
Oh yeah, the Hat dabs, too.
So would you if you just found out you're getting to keep your job. Have at it, Les.
The Frank Reich Backup QB of the Week Award:
Actually, we're skipping that one this week. There were a lot of backups in action Saturday, but it went very badly for most -- actually, all -- of them. Like Washington State's Peyton Bender, for starters.
The Comeback of the Week Award (also named for Frank Reich): Louisville and Maryland
Entering Saturday's games, FBS teams were a combined 6-322 when trailing by 21-plus points, but both Louisville and Maryland did the deed. The Cardinals trailed Kentucky 24-7 at halftime and then scored 31 unanswered points to win the Governor's Cup 38-24. The Terps were down 25 before roaring back to defeat Rutgers 46-41 in the Wonder if People Even Realize We're Both in the Big Ten Classic.
The guy you should know about but probably don't: Matt Johnson, QB, Bowling Green
We've given you a heads-up on the Falcons before, but just in case you were looking for something to do this Friday night, do yourself a favor and watch Bowling Green take on Northern Illinois in the MAC championship (8 p.m. ET, ESPN2). Johnson, a 6-foot, 219-pound senior, leads the nation in passing (4,465 yards) and ranks among the top 10 in touchdown passes (2nd, 42), QB rating (4th, 168.9), completion percentage (6th, 68.9 percent) and yards per attempt (tied for 7th, 9.0). He has thrown only six interceptions in 498 attempts. And he has done all of the above while being sacked 33 times, ninth-highest in the land. Don't expect Friday night's neutral site game at Detroit's Ford Field to rattle Johnson. BGSU is the only FBS team with six wins on the road this year and one of only 10 undefeated road teams.
The guy you used to know about but forgot about but should know about again: Leonard Fournette, RB, LSU
If they awarded Heisman Trophies in October, Fournette would have won it. But alas, as Peyton Manning will remind you, they do not. On Saturday night, amid the Les Miles Firing Watch, Fournette returned to old form. After a paltry (for him) 230 yards during LSU's three-game losing streak, he bounced back to bulldoze Texas A&M for 159 yards on 32 carries. He also broke Charles Alexander's 38-year old single season rushing mark. Fournette now has 1,741 yards with the yet-determined bowl game remaining. Before the skid, he'd tied Alexander's record for consecutive 100-yard games (9) and became the first SEC running back to post three consecutive 200-yard rushing performances.
The team you should know about but probably don't: Southern Miss
The Golden Eagles scored 27 unanswered points in three-and-a-half minutes to romp Louisiana Tech 58-24 and win the Conference USA West title. This Saturday they'll face Western Kentucky in the C-USA title game (noon ET, ESPN2). It wasn't that long ago when conference titles and bowl bids were commonplace in Hattiesburg, Mississippi, but Southern Miss's fifth C-USA championship and 14th bowl in 15 seasons were both four years ago. Since former coach Larry Fedora bolted for UNC after the 2011 season, Seymour d'Campus (yes, that's the mascot's name) was forced to endure a three-year stretch of 4-32. But in his third season, Todd Monken has USM sitting 9-3 and two of those losses are to Mississippi State and Nebraska (you might recall they scared the Huskers to death).
The game you should be psyched for but probably aren't: Air Force vs. San Diego State (Saturday, 7:30 p.m. ET, ESPN2)
Tucked in between Power 5 title games, the Mountain West championship features two of the most entertaining teams that few east of the Rockies probably have known much about. On Saturday night, SDSU running back Donnel Pumphrey hung 152 yards rushing on Nevada. That was his eighth consecutive 100-yard game, the longest streak in MW history, bringing him to 1,464 yards on the season and 4,083 in his three-year career. That trails only Marshall Faulk (4,589) in the annals of Aztecs football history. Air Force is coming off of a somewhat surprising loss to New Mexico, but the Falcons have recently discovered a stud tailback of their own. Sophomore Timothy McVey scored five TDs in the loss and added 262 yards of total offense. Those bemoaning the loss of late night WAC shootouts (see: me), will be feeling nostalgic as the points start racking up in this matchup.
Extra Point: While all the gigantic Rivalry Weekend games were raging on Saturday, you know where I was? Duke at Wake Forest. No, seriously. I wasn't in the press box or a skybox or even box seats. I was in Section 15, Row R, Seat 2. There was nothing on the line for the Demon Deacons but a chance to play for pride on Senior Day. Duke, out of the ACC Coastal fight since the infamous Miami finish, was playing only to improve a few lines in the media guide, aiming for its third consecutive winning season and a bump up the ACC's extensive ladder of bowl berths. So, why was I there? Because when my dad was at the house for Thanksgiving he said he had a couple of tickets and asked if I wanted to go. I thought about work. I had some other stuff I'd signed up for, too. But ultimately, I said yes. You see, for all the dozens of games we've attended together, he, the referee, and me, the sportswriter, at least one of us was always working. In recent years it has been both of us. This time no one was on the clock. We got to Winston-Salem early enough to swing by and grab a couple of hot dogs from Pulliam's (do that sometime, trust me). We got to underrated BB&T Stadium way before kickoff, where we sat in great weather, laughed at old stories, talked about the family, and watched what turned out to be an entertaining ballgame. On the way back to Charlotte, we stopped at Lexington Barbecue (also do that sometime, trust me), and still made it home in plenty of time to watch the second half of the 3:30 games. So, if you were wondering what I was most thankful for during this Thanksgiving weekend, here it is: going to a noon college football game with Pops. The game itself never mattered.