Reflecting on what he called a "wild year," New York Jets quarterback Aaron Rodgers admitted he harbored dark thoughts in the immediate aftermath of his season-ending Achilles tear on Sept. 11.
"I was really thinking, 'This is it. You don't come back from this injury,'" Rodgers, 40, said in a two-hour interview on the "I Can Fly" podcast, which dropped Tuesday.
Rodgers, who got choked up at one point, described a roller coaster of emotions. He said the trade to the Jets, after 18 seasons with the Green Bay Packers, restored his passion for football. He called his Jets debut one of the best moments of his career -- and the worst.
His night began when he ran out with the American flag during the pregame introductions, which he called "one of the highest highs in my sporting career." Minutes later, on the Jets' first possession of the season, he was carted off with a season-ending injury.
"I had this incredible offseason experience in a new city, a new town, with new teammates, a new organization, an owner for the first time, and really falling back in love with the game that I first fell in love with when I was 5 years old," he said. "It was absolutely beautiful and special and deep and rich and yummy, and just incredible.
"And then, one of the most heartbreaking nights of my life, when I played four plays. Talk about an ego death."
Rodgers tried to return late in the season -- he actually practiced on a limited basis -- but his comeback was aborted when the Jets (7-10) fell out of contention. Nearly seven months removed from surgery, the four-time MVP is expected to participate in OTA practices next month, according to coach Robert Saleh.
Reflecting on the day after his injury, when he flew home to California with a few close friends, Rodgers became emotional and paused a moment to gather himself. "I said, 'I need help. This is going to be really tough. I just need you all to be there for me on the tough days when I stop believing it's possible,'" he said, recalling what he told his friends.
"It's hard to ask for help."
By then, the "doomsday" scenario of never playing again had faded away, said Rodgers, who shifted his focus to surgery and recovery. Looking back on the ordeal, he said he's grateful for the many positives that occurred.
"As s---ty as it was -- and it was the most heartbreaking thing that's ever happened to me -- all the miracles that happened along the way never would've happened," he said, adding that "so much changed" in his life over the past six months.
"I had this incredible offseason experience in a new city, a new town, with new teammates, a new organization, an owner for the first time, and really falling back in love with the game that I first fell in love with when I was 5 years old. ... And then, one of the most heartbreaking nights of my life, when I played four plays. Talk about an ego death."Aaron Rodgers
Rodgers said he learned important lessons along the way, allowing him to become "a better version" of himself. He also mentioned the "incredible angels" who assisted during his rehab, everyone from his physical therapist to his chef.
Rodgers, who turns 41 in December, said recently that he wants to play anywhere from two to four more years.
"I'm excited about playing again," he said. "I love playing. I fell back in love with the game and then I had it taken away after four plays. I miss being out there, I love competing.
"Football is my happy place. That's where I feel most in control of my athletic ability. I missed that last year, I really, really missed it. My heart was broken. I'm excited about taking the field one more time and -- not life or death -- going to battle with my guys."
For the first time, Rodgers acknowledged that he was a "finalist" to be Robert F. Kennedy Jr.'s running mate for the 2024 presidential election. Jets owner Woody Johnson addressed the subject Monday in an interview with Fox News.
"He is getting back to football 100 percent," Johnson said. "He never left football. That was a momentary distraction, maybe like going in the dark room or whatever. But he's back 100 percent."