Now that all your (our?) New Year's resolutions have officially been discarded, why not start a new list of things we want from golf, hope from golf -- oh, and also the things we are terrified to see in golf -- in 2020?
Sounds fun, right?
So just a warning: My inspiration for this year's set of predictions came after Ricky Gervais' performance at the Golden Globes. So hold on tight ...
Tiger Woods wins another major.
It'll be the last one of the year: The 149th Open. (Oh, you still forgot that's the last one, didn't you?) Too bad it's not 2021, because it would be even more iconic if he did it at St. Andrews. But that's next year.
Tiger Woods wins Olympic medal.
It won't be gold.
Charlie Woods fires his caddie.
After only two events on the junior circuit, Charlie announces that he and caddie Tiger Woods have parted ways. In a statement from Charlie's agent, Junior Steinberg, "He's a great caddie and we wish him all the best in the future. It was just time for Charlie to go in a different direction." No word on whether Tiger has found a new caddie gig yet.
Patrick Reed wins twice and qualifies for the Ryder Cup.
You will hate him. You will root against him at every PGA Tour event and every major he plays in. But then he'll play for the U.S. and you will need him against Rory McIlroy.
Patrick Reed will employ a second caddie at least once this year.
Kessler Karain had to sit out Sunday singles at the Presidents Cup after getting into it with a fan. Something is going to happen this year that forces Kessler to sit out again or they'll hire their own security, citing "no confidence" in what the Tour provides.
This will be the year Adam Scott turns heel
He's had two caddies that were, well, aggressive. Tony Navarro got into a scuffle with a fan at the 2008 U.S. Open while on Scott's bag. Then there was Steve Williams, who isn't quiet. Nobody sees Scott's behavior. This is the year people see it.
Dustin Johnson goes winless.
At first glance, this isn't that big a deal -- until you realize the last time he didn't have a win was 2007, the year he turned pro!
Rory McIlroy wins a major.
Too bad it's "just" another PGA Championship and not the Masters. This year, Rory gets the major but doesn't take home Player of the Year honors. Just like Brooks Koepka last year, he's fine with it.
Xander Schauffele wins the Masters.
He will become just the fourth man to have the green jacket placed on him by Tiger Woods. Here's a fun way to win a free drink at a bar: "Tiger Woods has won the Masters five times. Without looking at your phone, name the five guys he's had to give the green jacket to the following year?"
Justin Thomas wins the U.S. Open.
For a brief moment this summer JT will be No. 1 in the world. Even after finishing 2020 at No. 2, he still loves him some him! (We love him, too!)
Jon Rahm ends the year as the No. 1-ranked player in the world.
This will include six worldwide victories -- but zero majors. He is, however, named PGA Tour Player of the Year, beating out McIlroy.
The LPGA fights Disney+ over naming rights for "Sister Act 3!"
Expect a monster year from both sets of sisters on the LPGA Tour. Jessica and Nelly Korda will combine for five wins. Ariya and Moriya Jutanugarn will also combine for five wins.
Brooks Koepka loses his world No. 1 ranking.
Brooks couldn't care less about this because he designs a shoe that becomes a fashion sensation. Still, Koepka grabs three Tour wins this year, including The Players.
Brooks Koepka refuses to kiss girlfriend Jena Sims before the final round of every major.
This became a thing last year.
Brooks Koepka has arrived for his final round at Bethpage Black! 💪#PGAChamp pic.twitter.com/LdBpTOTf63
— PGA of America (@PGA) May 19, 2019
If Koepka gives Sims the Heisman, he wins. And let's be honest, when you get the chapstick just right you don't need somebody smearing it all up.
Talk about The Players being the fifth major finally ends.
"They were who we thought they were!" We miss you, Dennis Green. Everyone loved the idea of moving The Players back to March -- until it's 45 degrees, the wind's blowing at 30 mph and the rain is coming down sideways. Mother Nature reminds everyone what happens in early March.
The Masters again wins the Irony Award by growing the game while never changing.
They have all the technological advancements on property. You get to watch every shot. Their digital game is better than everyone's. But it's still the only place in the world where you get in trouble if you even think about bringing that advanced technology called "a phone" on to the property.
The U.S. Open loses control of Winged Foot.
What, you thought last year at Pebble Beach was a sign the USGA was headed in a new direction? HA! By Saturday at Winged Foot, three golfers will have "Phil Mickelson'd" it on the greens
We will have a winner for worst venue for The Open.
Some of Royal St. George's past winners: J.H. Taylor, Jack White, Reg Whitcombe, Bill Rogers, Ben Curtis ... hey, wake up! At least Tiger gives it some class by winning.
More LPGA events go overseas.
Expect an announcement sometime late in 2020 that the LPGA will be taking more events overseas. It sucks for U.S. fans (like me) because they're some of the most fan-friendly and compelling live professional events you can go watch. But the money these players deserve, that ain't here in the U.S.
Hideki Matsuyama will break the Olympics.
A Japanese golfer wins the gold medal in Japan?! Tiger can have the Zozo Championship (Hideki finished second, by the way). In 2021, Matsuyama and Japan are going to have themselves a party.
Jon Rahm wins The FedEx Cup.
That's one check for $15 million buckaroos. The two weddings and two receptions that he had when he got married in 2019 will seem like a bargain after the party Rahmbo throws after the Ryder Cup.
The Ryder Cup at Whistling Straits doesn't disappoint -- and there's carnage everywhere.
Most of it is from the spectators and media falling and breaking ankles, wrists, feet and legs trying to follow the action along a rope line that Mt. Everest Sherpas deemed unsafe. The U.S. beat Europe: 16 medical tents to 12 airlifts.
The R&A finally changes the name of its major to the United Kingdom of Great Britain and Northern Ireland Open.
Listen, everybody calls their championship the Open. The U.S. Open, to people in the U.S., is the Open. The Canadian Open, to people in Canada, is the Open. Everyone else calls it the British Open and they get mad. Just for spite, the R&A finally starts calling it by its full and proper name.
Michelle Wie's baby girl will be a 6-foot-tall model, with the ability to golf and dunk before Christmas.
I'm sure scouts and agents have already contacted Michelle and husband Jonnie West (son of NBA Hall of Famer Jerry West) with multiyear, multimillion-dollar contract offers.
Matt Kuchar starts tipping everyone 20%.
There's only one problem: He has to actually go to a restaurant or into the clubhouse. And that won't happen until the United Kingdom of Great Britain and Northern Ireland Open ... where there's no tipping. If he's just making PB&Js in the parking lot all the time, ain't going to be much chance for that 20%.
Jimmy Walker wins the 2020 Comeback Player of the Year award.
It'll be great to have him back. Because, in 2019, he played 23 times and his best finish was 19th. At the end of the year, he missed five straight cuts. He finished 2019 ranked 237th. But 2020 he comes back, and he wins.