Kraken? Sockeyes? Sasquatch? Sonics? What Seattle's NHL team should be called

Seattle's NHL expansion franchise doesn't start playing in the league until 2021-22, but we might only need to wait a little bit longer before we can stop referring to it as "Seattle's NHL expansion franchise."

Remember when the Vegas Golden Knights were going to be the Desert Knights? Or the Red Hawks? The same sort of speculation has swirled around Seattle's nickname over the past few years, as some names have gained traction and others have faded.

Here's some informed speculation on the name derby, from the best bets to the long shots to the completely delusional hopes and dreams. Maybe the name of the team is here. Or maybe it isn't!

Tier 1: The favorites

Seattle Kraken

Why it works: Known for the popular dark rum, Kraken has rarely been used as a nickname inspiration. It's a mythical behemoth, a tentacled beast rising from the sea to devour those who dare sail past it. The logo possibilities are endless. The mascot will be a cuddly squid. Everyone outside of Seattle seems to love this name the most, and it might be gaining momentum in the city.

Why it doesn't work: Kraken has more to do with Scandinavia than Seattle. Throwing tentacled sea creatures on the ice is already another team's gig. And, if you can believe it, there might be backlash against the name from a narcotics perspective. "Do the powers that be not understand that we have a gigantic drug problem in Seattle?" said Dori Monson, afternoon host on KIRO radio. "What will our NHL team's logo be? A guy lighting up a crack pipe?"

Pun potential: That said ... fans called the Krak Heads. Arena called The Krak House. When they win: "Krak addiction." When they lose: "Krak is whack." We can get even deeper into the weeds about "Kraken skulls" and other hockey-adjacent silliness. It's a pun-a-palooza.

Outlook: The name of the team is probably going to be Seattle Kraken. We had heard recently that while Seattle's brass had initially bristled at the moniker, a marketing presentation late last year centered around Kraken blew them away. In January, John Hoven of mayorsmanor.com was the first to report that it would be Kraken, according to a source. Clark Rasmussen of DetroitHockey.net, the savvy blogger who sleuthed out the Golden Knights name for Vegas before anyone else, tells ESPN that "right now, I'm around 97% certain the name is Seattle Kraken." Unless, of course, it's something Kraken-adjacent ...

Seattle Kraken HC

Why it works: Rasmussen was grumbling to a friend recently about the nickname drama and said the team should just get it over with and call itself Seattle HC. As in "hockey club," mimicking the naming convention for some European soccer and hockey teams, as well as MLS teams such as Seattle Sounders FC. That inspired him to look into some registrations with HC suffixes, and what do you know: Seattle Kraken HC was registered privately on Nov. 26, 2019, and just updated on Feb. 20. "That date stuck out to me because it's the same time that several of the domains confirmed to be owned by the Seattle NHL ownership group were updated," Rasmussen wrote. "While there is still no apparent pattern, the timing does seem to imply that SeattleKrakenHC.com is also owned by Seattle Hockey Partners, having been updated in a batch with the others."

Why it doesn't work: If there's anything we know about the NHL, it's that it likes uniformity. Las Vegas Golden Knights would have made them the only team in the league with a four-word name. Seattle Kraken HC would be the only team with an HC at the end. We can't imagine NHL commissioner Gary Bettman would be a fan of seeing that in the standings.

Pun potential: Same as above, although we shudder to think how HC could be reappropriated during a losing streak.

Outlook: The HC could just be a "covering all the bases" trademarking of the Kraken. Or it could be an official name that gets around those that were squatting on the name Kraken. To that end, Rasmussen believes that "the organization does not seem to currently own SeattleKraken.com, though it's always possible that they've reached a deal to acquire that domain. Naming the team Seattle Kraken HC could help them get around the need for it."

Seattle Sockeye(s)

Why it works: While you'd struggle to find a kraken in the waters of the northern Pacific Ocean, sockeye salmon are plentiful and, hence, a very Seattle thing. If the team wants to be bold, they'd drop the "s" at the end and become the fourth countable noun nickname in the NHL, after the Minnesota Wild, Tampa Bay Lightning and Colorado Avalanche. (Although Kraken would, in fact, accomplish the same.)

Now, would they be shorted to the Socks or Sox? Would that be an issue, with MLB's Red Sox and White Sox? It shouldn't be. I'm pretty sure college football has about 100 teams named the Tigers and they've all played each other for the national championship. Or so it seems.

Why it doesn't work: As we mentioned, it's a very Seattle thing. There's the Seattle Sockeye Ultimate Frisbee team. There's the series of hockey romance novels by author Jami Davenport, who trademarked the name. There are conflicts, but that doesn't mean the team couldn't work out deals around these conflicts if it wanted to. For example, Jeff Gibb, owner of SeattleSockeyes.com, told DetroitHockey.net: "To me, I've always considered my ownership of it as a way to 'save' the name for the team if they choose it down the line."

Pun potential: A hockey team named the Sockeyes is pretty much the apex of pescatarian puns. "Sock it to 'em!"

Outlook: Quite good. Sockeyes has been at the top of more than a few Seattle fan polls in the past couple of years. There's a lot of red tape to cut through if this is the choice, but it would be a very popular one -- at least for the fans who aren't on #TeamNoFish.

Tier 2: The contenders

Seattle Sea Lions

Why it works: Sea lions are both native to Seattle and unquestionably adorable, although they can attack if provoked. The Lions is quality shorthand for the nickname. And they might be able to cover their entire payroll with the amount of Sea Lions mascot merch they'd sell; the Beanie Babies alone might pay for a defenseman or two.

Why it doesn't work: Orcas eat sea lions. Not exactly what you want in a budding rivalry with the Canucks.

Pun potential: The "Lion" vs. "Lyin'" bit in headlines would probably get worn out by their first playoff appearance.

Outlook: No Lion (wink, wink), but this would be a solid name and a quasi tribute to that late, not-at-all great West Coast team, the California Golden Seals.

Seattle Metropolitans

Why it works: Because they're a part of Seattle's hockey legacy. The Seattle Metropolitans played in the Pacific Coast Hockey Association from 1915 to 1924, and they won the Stanley Cup in 1917. Obviously, this would be a chance to honor the history made by players such as [checks Wikipedia] Frank Foyston and Cully Wilson.

Why it doesn't work: Bettman has indicated a little hesitancy in allowing an NHL team to have the same name as one of its four divisions, for clarity's sake.

Pun potential: By sports nickname law, Metropolitans is shortened to Mets. And you really, really, really, really don't want to be the Mets.

Outlook: An interesting option, given the history. Plus it seems to occupy that lane between the "never Kraken" and "anything but fish" camps.

Seattle Steelheads

Why it works: It's a cool fish name like Sockeyes, without the whole "punching someone in the face" imagery.

Why it doesn't work: Because it's far less forward-thinking and inclusive than using the freshwater-only version of the fish, the Seattle Rainbow Trout.

Pun potential: "Steeling" a victory. Also, the "Blades of Steelheads" parodies would be like catnip for NES-playing Gen Xers.

Outlook: Not great. The Seattle NHL franchise was talking with the Idaho Steelheads of the ECHL about an AHL affiliation before setting up its affiliate team in Palm Springs, California. That probably sealed the fate of the Steelheads name for Seattle.

Tier 3: The pretenders

Seattle Renegades

Why it works: It's a pretty awesome nickname for an expansion team, as it makes its insurgent entrance into an established league. The Jeep sponsorship sells itself.

Also, if you can capture 10% of the kids doing the "Renegade" dance on TikTok with this name, you probably have the most popular franchise in the NHL. Which is perhaps a sad commentary on the relative popularity of TikTok and the NHL.

Why it doesn't work: Sorry, but there's only one "Renegade," and that's the Lorenzo Lamas syndicated vigilante biker series of the 1990s.

Pun potential: "Renegades of Puck" is obviously the parody Afrika Bambaataa had in mind when he wrote "Renegades of Funk" in 1983.

Outlook: Renegades was an early option out of the gate, but a source said it was "not a real option and more of a swerve tactic" in the end.

Seattle Totems

Why it works: From 1943 to 1975, the Totems played in the Pacific Coast Hockey League, which became the Western Hockey League. There's an undeniable hockey legacy here, and local ties are rumored to be important to the Seattle owners. Plus, Washington Gov. Jay Inslee dropped a "Seattle Totems" reference in 2018 when talking about the expansion team.

Why it doesn't work: Because there's a lot to unpack here. Native American iconography with pro sports teams isn't exactly smiled upon these days, although the NHL does continue to support the Blackhawks name and logo. Totem poles are actually non-native to the local tribes.

Pun potential: "Tote-ally awesome" and "tote-al domination" come to mind.

Outlook: There's talk that the NHL already put the kibosh on this name internally, and there are a lot of reasons to believe that -- while popular -- it might be more trouble than it's worth today.

Tier 4: The wild cards

Seattle Thunderbirds/Firebirds

Why it works: The Seattle Seahawks are the most popular sports franchise in town, and Seattle NHL CEO Tod Leiweke served in the same capacity with that franchise. Both names would be make for great mascots and team monikers, joining the Penguins and Ducks as the NHL's feathered friends.

Why it doesn't work: Firebirds was already rejected on trademark grounds for the franchise's AHL affiliate in Palm Springs. The Seattle Thunderbirds are a WHL team, so some kind of negotiation/trade-off would probably have to take place.

Pun potential: Just use every bird-centric pun made for the Seahawks and apply it to hockey.

Outlook: Did NHL Seattle tip its hand with the Palm Springs filing, that it has birds on the brain?

Seattle Emeralds

Why it works: Seattle is the Emerald City, baby. Also, in a world cluttered with names that are used by teams in every level in every spot, Emeralds would be local and unique.

Why it doesn't work: It doesn't really lend itself to a mascot, unless the team intends to have an anthropomorphic gemstone hugging little kids in the concourse. (Ouch, those edges!) And are we going with Emeralds, which is a mouthful, or Ems, which are ... already the Mariners (M's)?

Pun potential: You're just begging for an endless collection of "Wizard of Oz" jokes here.

Outlook: It's been a name mentioned in polls for years, to the point where it can't be ignored. But there are probably better options.

Tier 5: The pipe dreams

Seattle Grunge

Outlook: Yeah, no. The locals would grab their lattes and riot. Which is a shame, because a team with flannel shirts tied around the waist of their jerseys would have been awesome -- not to mention the arena playlist.

Seattle NHL Expansion Franchise

Outlook: This would be like the time Dick Cheney was hired to pick George W. Bush's vice president, and then the vice president ended up being Dick Cheney.

Seattle Sasquatch

Outlook: We've lobbied for this name since the first inkling that the city was getting a team, but it doesn't seem like it has any traction. May the chants of "Let's go Squatch!" forever echo in KeyArena.

Seattle Starbucks

Outlook: At some point, everything is going to have a title sponsor in the NHL, probably even the Stanley Cup. This is just getting ahead of the game. (Or, if you want to consider the Mighty Ducks of Anaheim, it's an old-school move.) The only mandatory things: The colors match the Starbucks logo, the goal song is an acoustic cover by Jack Johnson and each player's name is spelled incorrectly on his jersey.

Seattle SuperSonics

Outlook: Look, the NBA might never come back to Seattle. Just do the thing you all want to do and cheer for the Sonics again. Oh, and bring this guy back out of mothballs.