Calvin Abueva was presented several opportunities to play outside the PBA, but the Phoenix forward said he chose to focus on improving himself first before taking on any other challenges.
In an interview on the Power & Play radio show with former league commissioner Noli Eala on Saturday, Abueva said he did not want to burn any bridges by jumping on any of the offers that came his way.
"Marami naman pong nag-ooffer since na-suspend ako. Meron dito sa MPBL, sa Thailand, sa Japan. Hindi pa po ako umo-oo sa mga 'yan eh. Ang inaano ko po kasi, may dapat po akong tapusin dito sa problema ko bago ako kunin ng iba," he said.
"At least, tapos na ang problema ko. Ang akin po, dito ako sumikat, syempre dito rin po ako magtatapos. Kung aalis ka bigla-bigla na may problema ka rito, pagbalik mo sirang-sira ka na."
Abueva credits his psychological sessions for helping him move forward from the events that led to his suspension over a year ago.
"Laking tulong sa akin. 'Yung psychology, the best part sa life mo. Kailangan mo rin makilala 'yung sarili mo," Abueva said.
Before the coronavirus pandemic struck, Abueva was a session away from completing a series of tests the league required him to undergo before he could be reinstated. In describing the events that eventually merited him an indefinite ban from the Office of the Commissioner, Abueva called that episode the "worst" part of his career.
"Totally nag-mental block ako noong panahon na 'yun. 'Di ko rin masabi sa sarili ko kung bakit ko ginawa 'yun," he said. "First time nangyari sa buong career ko 'yun, 'yun ang gulo na pinaka-malala, pinaka-worst."
Abueva said seeing a psychologist helped him understand what underlying causes there may have been for his actions.
"Lahat 'yan stressed -- hindi iisang player o dalawang player, halos lahat, stressed 'yan. Hindi lang sa practice, hindi lang sa games. Maski sa bahay nila, may konting stress 'yan. Maski sa ibang lugar. May mga dinadala na karamdaman," said Abueva. "Minsan madadala mo sa court. 'Yun 'yung mga dapat iwasan din nila. Alam mo 'yung mainit ka na sa labas, dadalhin mo pa sa court? Lalo kang iinit."
Once he gets the opportunity to do so, Abueva said he's eager to attend psychological sessions again on his own volition.
"Ako sa sarili ko, I want to go back there kasi mas magiging peaceful ako at male-learn ko kung ano 'yung mga dapat ko ring makita ko sa ugali ko at sa katayuan ko."
Abueva said he also wants fans to see a different side of him once he's able to return to the floor for Phoenix, whether that may be this season or next year.
"Hindi ko naman mababanggit agad sa inyo kung ano 'yung mga napagdaanan ko sa psychology," he said. "Ang akin, gusto ko mapakita 'yung ako, hindi lang sa basketball, maski 'yung sa likod ng backboard na Calvin Abueva."
"Hindi ko na po tino-throwback lahat ng nangyari sa'kin," added Abueva. "Ang ginagawa ko po, fino-forward ko kung papaano ko sila makakalimutan at kung papaano ko po male-learn 'yung lesson ko noong time na [struggling] ako tapos ngayon, may pandemya pa. Dino-doble ko 'yung isip ko sa pagbabalik ko. Kung hindi ba itong na year na 'to, kung malas itong 2020 na 'to, hintayin natin sa 2021, baka doon maging swerte tayo."
As he awaits the end of the pandemic -- and a possible clearance from the PBA shortly after -- the 2013 Rookie of the Year awardee said he has found a way to continue working out with the Fuel Masters virtually.
"Meron kaming Zoom meeting tuwing Monday, Wednesday and Friday ng Phoenix. May Zoom workout kami ng 10:30 to 12. Kundisyon naman kahit papaano," he said.
Aside from a return to play with Phoenix, Abueva also hopes he's able to suit up for Gilas Pilipinas again one day.
"Proud na proud po ako sa sarili ko na gusto ko po uli mapasama sa Philippine team," he declared.
Abueva last donned the Philippine tri-colors before being suspended for six games for his role in Gilas' brawl against the Australian national team in the FIBA World Cup qualifiers two years ago. Though he has not gotten a call-up since, Abueva said the desire to represent the country is still there.
"Iniisip ko sa pagbalik ko na makapaglaro po ako ng maayos at mapasama po ako uli sa Gilas kahit ano po ang nangyari. Nandoon pa rin ang puso ko na makasama sa national team," he said.