It's time for the dumbest preseason tradition: Our ninth annual League Pass Rankings!
These are not power rankings! They are watchability scores derived from an ancient formula that revealed itself to Bill Simmons when he played one Pearl Jam album backward.
We reward teams between one and 10 points in each of five categories:
Zeitgeist: Do normal people care about this team?
Highlight potential/Star power: Do you linger on games because one player might do something amazing?
Style: Do they run cool plays?
League Pass minutiae: On a random night in January, sharp jerseys and funny announcers perk you up.
Unintentional comedy: Blame Simmons -- and maybe the 2010-11 Washington Wizards.