1. JORDAN SPIETH IS THE ENEMY OF FAST
It might seem that the U.S. Open is an unfair tournament for someone to make this point about Jordan Spieth, but it still needs to be said: He plays golf at a snail's pace.
He fidgets, he fusses, he backs off shots, he yanks on his shirt, his hat, his pants; he muses over club selection, waggles and wiggles, then finally gets ready to hit. Even then, he backs off again to double-check the yardage at times. If you said it was like watching paint dry, you'd be wrong. It's more like watching someone stand in an aisle of Home Depot for 20 minutes holding up paint swatches, agonizing over what color he should choose to redecorate his den.
On Thursday, his group fell a full hole behind the pace of play as he and Zach Johnson and Bryson DeChambeau slogged their way around Oakmont Country Club, and a rules official paid them a visit to ask them to pick things up. It wasn't entirely Spieth's fault. Johnson's pre-shot routine is so slow, you don't even need video to capture it -- you could just as easily hire a sketch artist. DeChambeau, who may well be doing algebra problems in his head as he sizes up each shot, is no speedster either. But Spieth's histrionics consistently slow things down. It's getting worse, not better.
Maybe it's absurd for someone like me (with my shaky 15-handicap) to criticize someone who has finished in the top five at five straight majors. Spieth grinding for two minutes over a par putt in the U.S. Open is not the same as the slow play at local munis across the country that make a Saturday round take six hours. But if we're going to gush over Spieth's poise, if we're going to write hosannas about his maturity and his sportsmanship, we should be able to offer this minor criticism, as well. Slow play makes golf miserable.
Spieth was visibly annoyed earlier this year at the Masters when he was put on the clock twice by the rules officials during his second round, mentioning that he had to rush a 70-foot putt on the 11th hole because of it. But major championship conditions are brutal for everyone. Somehow Rory McIlroy -- who has two more majors than Spieth -- manages to play quickly. Tiger Woods, despite dealing with crowds twice the size of anyone on Tour, played at a reasonable pace and was almost never put on the clock.
Spieth is likely to be the standard-bearer for American golf for the next 20 years, and young players will study his every move. Part of what makes him a great player is that he's analytical. He and caddie Michael Greller are really good at assessing the potential outcome of every shot before he steps in to hit. Clearly. Every. Potential. Outcome. Jordan: It's time get moving.
2. RICKIE FOWLER IS REGRESSING
Speaking of trending in the wrong direction, Rickie Fowler certainly appeared to take a huge leap forward in 2014 when he finished in the top five of all four majors. It seemed it would be only a matter of time before he won his first major title. He even began 2015 with a 12th-place finish at the Masters. Ever since then? Ugly. He missed the cut at the 2015 U.S. Open and finished T-30 at both the British Open and the PGA Championship.
This year has been even worse. He fired a horrific 80 in the first round of the Masters on his way to missing the cut, and at Oakmont today he was 6 over through 12 holes before play was suspended.
In the first round of the first two majors this year, Fowler has now made: 1 triple-bogey; 3 double-bogeys, 9 bogeys, 13 pars and 4 birdies. That is bad.
3. ZACH JOHNSON IS AN ENIGMA
You might think, without Googling it, that the U.S. Open would be an ideal setup for Zach Johnson. He drives the ball straight, hits a ton of fairways, is a great wedge player and has had several seasons when he's been ranked in the top 10 on the PGA Tour in strokes gained putting. But for whatever reason, all that has never translated into any kind of success at the U.S. Open.
Johnson has played in 12 U.S. Opens, and his results are dismal. From 2004 through last year's Open: T-48, CUT, CUT, T-45, CUT, CUT, T-30, T-77, T-41, CUT, T-40, T-72.
So it was a bit of a surprise to see him hovering around the top of the scoreboard much of the first day. Johnson made two birdies and two bogeys and was even par through 11 holes. Bear in mind, if he were to somehow win, Johnson would join Jack Nicklaus and Sam Snead as the only golfers in history to win majors at Augusta National, The Old Course at St. Andrews and Oakmont Country Club. History suggests that is not something we should expect to happen.
4. IT'S HARD FOR A SQUIRREL OUT THERE
For five decades, Oakmont Country Club has had one of the most recognizable course logos in the United States: a cartoon drawing of a brown squirrel clutching a golf ball in the thick rough. The club doesn't know who originally drew it, only that it was first used in 1962 in preparation for the U.S. Open won by Jack Nicklaus. It's changed over the years -- the squirrel undergoing various updates and face-lifts -- but it's still synonymous with the U.S. Open. Mary Lopuszynski, the USGA's senior director of licensing and U.S. Open merchandising, said items with the original drawing of the squirrel are easily among the most popular items for sale in the merchandise tent this year.
The only problem? It's probably the only place spectators can see any squirrels this year. Since the U.S. Open was last played here in 2007, our furry friends have largely been chased off the property, a result of the club removing more than 7,500 trees in an effort to return the course to its original design. So pour one out for the Oakmont squirrels -- who live on, it seems, only in cartoon form.