The Melbourne Rebels, hereby known as the Melbourne Rabble, stands accused of producing fake rugby.
The prosecution has a compelling case to long and loudly lampoon them from the lectern for misleading the public especially after two diabolical rounds where the Rabble have leaked 18 tries, yes indeed 18 tries, becoming voluntary observers while their opponents have compiled a demoralising 127 points. And we are only at the start of March.
One would assume that at a time when SANZAAR is deliberating over the format of the Super Rugby competition, which includes the real danger of teams being kicked out, all those involved would play as if their lives depended on it.
That has not been the case with the Rabble. Quite a number of their players, against both the Blues and Hurricanes, appear to be just going through the motions.
Really how can Australian officials argue that they deserve five teams when the Rabble field players clearly not up to Super Rugby standard? And the Rabble are not alone in trotting out B-graders week in week out. Look at the Sunwolves- they've similarly been sieves with 17 tries already scored against them, leaking 120 points.
Both Rabble losses have revolved around excruciating moments- where their players have only half-heartedly gone into tackles, or even not attempted to down their opponent. Then there are the hilarious moments when their playmaker keeps running into his teammates. Surely it's not deliberate. One wonders if they've given up on Super Rugby gifts and are instead playing for the alluring prizemoney from Australia's Funniest Home Video TV show.
Admittedly they are good actors, especially when they try the old exasperated soccer goalkeeper caper when beaten of raising their arms as if to blame someone else, just shrug their shoulders in disbelief, look to the sky in hope of divine intervention, or simply abuse someone.
Quite often when out-negotiated by an opponent, the Rabble have given up, instead of trying again to at least stop them from scoring right under the posts. At least four Rabble players immediately come to mind. Surely the coaching staff must know who they are- and if they remain in the line-up it just proves that the province is in a serious mess.
With such passive resistance, the Rabble private owners must be wondering whether they have purchased a basket case. They also wouldn't be blamed if they start looking for an escape route. After all, it was only a few weeks ago that the Rabble owners went public in vehemently complaining about the Super Rugby format, in particular having an extended break in June for the domestic Test matches, and arguing that it should instead be a Trans-Tasman tournament. A dud team in a dud comp is hardly a great investment.
Such dreadful performances reinforces the argument of those who believe that the Australian Super Rugby contingent must be dropped to four teams, and have the Brumbies move to Melbourne. At least the Brumbies have a heart.
It also begs the question whether the Rabble coach Tony McGahan has lost the players. They are certainly not performing with any conviction or purpose, prompting queries over whether something is really crook at the core of this under-performing province.
Or have they decided that their defensive training sessions revolves around walking up to the Melbourne Cricket Ground, heading to one of the entrances and showing the players how a spinning turnstile works? Following the Hurricanes defeat, it wouldn't have been surprising to hear that several of the Rabble were being treated for giddiness and vertigo from being spun around so often.
After the first-round Blues thrashing which started the competition on such a depressing note, the mumble out of Melbourne was that it would have been oh so different if Sean McMahon had not been injured. McMahon is a reasonable back-rower, but would he had revitalised the Rabble? I have my doubts.
Unlike the Rabble, the other Australian second round losers have their excuses. The Reds are discovering that old legs are not always energetic legs, while the Brumbies and Waratahs are trying to do their best when their playing list is seriously depleted by injury and departures.
The Rabble have no excuses.
They have the bye this weekend. With so much at stake, let's hope for Australian Rugby's sake the Rabble use the week's break for some important soul searching.