Thank God it's footy season. Proper footy season, that is, not the silly season that we have just endured.
Silly season is the time of the big statement, the bold prediction based on supposedly empirical evidence that a certain team will do this or that. It's the time when everyone gets to nominate their AFL ladder from one to 18 in order although really, as if any of us have a damned clue about the future.
Yet plenty of people are earning good dollars to make these kinds of statements, so they will not be held back.
This year (to name but a few) I have heard David 'The Ox' Schwarz say that Melbourne's young full-forward Jesse Hogan could cost himself $Aus400,000 if he cannot kick straight, this after but one particular bad day in a practice match! I have heard Fox Footy's Brad Johnson say that Fremantle will not even make the finals, which would seem to be a stretch. The previous year, Johnson's colleague David King (one of the best, ironically) said that St Kilda would not win a game, only to see the Saints win six.
And of course, every year there will be more than one expert who will predict the inevitable slide of the Swans, only to be made look foolish.
Most of it is silly-season bunk and here is my evidence: at this very time in 2015, Port Adelaide were everybody's favourite and Ken Hinkley their love child. Port, you will recall, had almost tipped out Hawthorn in a preliminary final of 2014, having leapt into the top eight the season before. The Power played breathtaking footy and boasted a strong home-ground advantage at Adelaide Oval. They'll never tear us apart, as the fans would sing.
They promptly missed the finals in 2015. A few injuries, a loss of momentum, one or two intangibles, and bang, Hinkley and his boys slumped off for holidays in September.
Another of my little favourites is the analysis of fixtures. The reality is that our competition is hopelessly compromised so long as there are 18 teams and 22 regular-season games. What amuses me is that at this time of year, everyone picks through the fixture and rates their team's draw based on 2015 results, utterly ignoring the fact that it is 2016. It can be no more than a vague guide for this year because so much can change, and a supposedly easy game against a low-ranked team from the year before can turn into a blockbuster a season on.
So rather than forecasting, here is what I would like to see in 2016.
1. Someone to challenge Hawthorn seriously
This is a big chunk of history that Alastair Clarkson's team is shooting at, they have a very good chance of achieving it, and if they do, will have a claim as the best team ever. But I don't want to see it happen easily.
2. Less congestion around the football
I've been watching a lot of 1990s games on Fox Footy over the off-season and I cannot help but think that the game was prettier to watch then, with less milling around in packs.
3. Clean air from the Essendon scandal.
I'm sick of it, the same as most all of us. Frankly, it virtually ruined the last three years.
4. A forward to kick 100 goals
I know, it's unlikely in the era of the spread of goalkickers. But I can't help think it is a glorious part of the game that the coaches took away from us.
So without further ado, bounce the ball Mr Umpire. Frankly, I can't wait.