Former Australian Rugby Union staffer Di Patston, who is at the centre of the Kurtley Beale text messaging scandal, has broken her silence and has spoken of "feeling degraded, feeling like you're worthless".
Ms Patston has told The Australian that she has struggled since the text message exchange in June and felt like she was "played like a fool" by Beale when she discovered Beale had sent the lewd message to several players despite promising she was the only one to receive the image.
During a one-on-one meeting in June, Beale assured Patston that he had not sent the message to anyone else and Patston reportedly hugged the wayward player and forgave him. However, Beale admitted in a written statement to a Code of Conduct tribunal last Friday that he had sent the lewd photo to several "Waratahs mates" six days earlier on June 3, The Australian reported.
"Even as I was cuddling him, he said 'I promise you, Di, I haven't sent this to anyone'. When I read his statement, I can tell you I relived it all again. It's like he played me for a fool. If he had said to me it was the second time he did it in the matter of seven days, no way, absolutely no way, would I have just said 'That's OK'."
It is reported that Beale was attempting to send the message to another Wallabies team-mate from Queensland when he got the numbers mixed up which resulted in Beale sending the message to Ms Patston on June 9.
"I did not tell Di any details, however, for fear of hurting her or inflaming the situation," Beale wrote in his statement, according to The Australian. "I would rather she did not know about it."
Beale was fined $45,000 (£14,000) by the tribunal but walked away with his Wallabies contract and without suspension leaving Patston devastated and physically ill.
"If it was one image or two or 20, what does it matter?" Patston told The Australian. "They were both of very obese women in a very derogatory way. I am overweight and they were both naked with everything exposed.
"He [Beale] doesn't know my background. I've had an ongoing illness myself and I'm on medication. There's a whole story behind it. So degrading me … I actually said to my dad I felt bullied into not telling anyone about the photos because I was embarrassed. I actually sat at a table and cried for an eternity because I didn't know who to tell because I'm so embarrassed by this. Is this what people think of me?
"People don't see that side of it. They don't see there's a level of feeling degraded, feeling like you're worthless. And he actually admits to sending it twice.
"I'm not good. Life is probably the worst it has ever been. I'm alive but there have been times I haven't wanted to be here."